i'm sorry | ethan dolan

madeline's inner beast

chapter thirty one
——mackenzie's pov
december 3rd, 2019

monday afternoon i was the first person dressed and on the court for basketball practice. i stood at the free throw line with the ball rack next to me, shooting one after the other after the other. every time, the ball slammed against the backboard and ricocheted off in another direction. and every single time, i saw someone else's face.

ethan.
kylie.
tyler.
hammond.
jacob.
apparently i was pissed at the world.

but mostly, i was pissed at ethan. and myself. and i was tired. tired of feeling like second runner to kylie. tired of trying to convince myself it was okay. and after that conversation yesterday i'd had with ethan, after finding out that he basically didn't care about a way out, didn't care about getting us back to being us, i was starting to think that breaking up with him was the only option. it was the only way to save my self esteem.

i took a shot, and the ball sailed clear over the net, the backboard, everything.
"ugh!" i groaned, pissed off.
i let another ball fly. it hit the backboard hard and boomeranged right toward my face. luckily i got my arms up in time. madeline came jogging over, plucking up a few of my errant basketballs. her hair, which she had died red, was slicked into a ponytail, her bangs held back by a two strand headband, and she wore a white west morris central basketball t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up to expose her cut shoulders. she unloaded the balls onto the rack and smirked.

"if you need someone to rearrange your face, your boyfriend's father's a plastic surgeon. i'm sure he'll give you a reduced rate," she said wryly and winked. i grabbed a ball and set up for another shot.

"yeah, well, i'm not sure how much longer he's going to be my boyfriend." somehow, saying it out loud made me feel both nauseous and free at the same time. i let the ball fly over her head. she reached up and blocked it down into her other hand.
"what?"

i tipped my head back and trudged over to the bleachers. the rest of the team was trickling out from the locker room and starting to warm up. i dropped down onto the bottom bench and she perched next to me, draping her arms over the basketball in her lap, her wrists crossed over each other.

"if i tell you this, you cannot tell anyone," i said. "swear on your mother's life."
"i swear," madeline said, wide eyed. "i mean, i know i don't have the best track record with secrets, but i'm working on it with my therapist," she added with a smirk.

i took in a sharp breath. she was referencing the very public way in which she'd spilled my father's big secret last spring. but that was different and we'd both been trying to put it behind us ever since. besides, there was no video of this particular secret in action.
god, i hoped there wasn't.

"look, i get it if you don't want to tell me," madeline said, starting to get up. "but if you want someone to talk to—"
"wait."

i did want someone to talk to. someone with a new perspective. veronica and i had spent half the weekend talking it over and over and over, and her solution was to tweet about the whole mess with thinly veiled pseudonyms (her suggestions: miley, tyson and edward) and see how kylie reacted. not exactly subtle. my mother was an option, of course, but i just couldn't break it to her that this whole thing had gotten even more nasty and sordid than it already was. madeline and kylie had been friends forever. maybe she'd have something useful to say. madeline sat her butt down again and waited. i took a deep breath and held it.

"kylie and tyler glassn had a thing this summer. like, a serious thing," i whispered, turning my face toward hers so far i touched my chin to my shoulder.
"oh my god." she looked out across the gym, where sneakers squeaked and balls pounded the boards. "huh. he's hot."
"okay, kind of missing the point here," i said.

madeline's head snapped around. "wait. you don't think he's the father?"
"i don't know what to think," i told her, pulling my knees up under my chin. i fiddled with the laces on one of my sneakers. "she told ethan that she never had sex with tyler, and he believes her, but..."

"mackenzie. you have to do something,"
"shhhh!" i looked up at the court, but no one was paying any attention to us. most of our teammates were either gossiping or drilling layups. coach walked in from the lobby and flipped through her clipboard, her silver whistle dangling low around her neck. practice was about to start.

"it's not up to me," i whispered, my pulse racing. "ethan doesn't want to hear it and i don't know...i have to believe that if kylie thought tyler might be the father, she would have said something. she couldn't do this to ethan." i bit my lip.
"you think kylie's going to admit to her parents that their pristine little girl isn't only a non virgin, but she's also had sex with more than one guy?" madeline whispered incredulously. "are you kidding me? she'd kill herself first. someone has to talk to her."

"well, i can't do it," i said. "ethan would freak."
"then i'll do it," madeline said, getting up.
i jumped from my seat. "no! you just promised me you wouldn't say anything."
madeline's jaw set. "well then, i'll do something."
there was another objection on the tip of my tongue, but i hesitated. "like what?"

slowly, wickedly, madeline's lips twisted into a smirk. she began dribbling the ball at a very even, deliberate rhythm. her eyes went a bit blank, distant, like she was already imagining the possibilities. finally she focused on me and smiled.

"oh, you know me," she said. "i always think of something." she smirked, which she's done a lot this afternoon and it's only been a couple minutes. oh boy.

coach kay blew the whistle to call us to attention, and madeline turned her back to me. i reached out a hand to stop her but quickly snatched it back.

i'd already awakened her inner beast, and it wasn't like i could change that. now madeline's was going to do what madeline was going to do. this whole mess was out of my control. and i was kind of curious to see what might happen next.

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teaser: ethan goes to mackenzie's game

this is inspired by me coming out of practice all sweaty and gross which is my favorite feeling ever!!!!! weird i know but i just love sports so much hahaha
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i love you all<3
[1171 words]
-m
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