Shakespeare one shots

In which a skull is the smartest among them

Kind of warning: I'm tired and there ends up being a Horatio x Hamlet ending. I have no idea why, it just happened. Please don't be mad, it's been a while since I revisited Hamlet. Also I just read a bunch of Lams stuff, so that probably isn't making my writing any straighter.

Later edit: yeah, I'm giving in. It's really just a Hamlet x Horatio. I don't have the slightest idea how or why, it just fits. I'm not even sure if I ship it. Shut up, I'm tired.
Around a year later: Hamratio forever. I'm so glad I wrote this.

One more thing: (WHY DO YOU ASSUME YOU'RE THE SMARTEST IN THE ROOM) I have this weird dislike for pet names, so don't expect to see an abundance of baby, babe, honey, love, sweetheart, etc. in my one shots. It hurt to type those.

2020 update: I LOVE PET NAMES AND HAVE A LONG LIST OF ABSOLUTELY LUDICROUS ONES

♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤

~ Hamlet's PoV ~

"What's that behind your ear? It's skin!" I laughed as my companion sighed.

"I'm a skull, Hamlet. I don't have skin. One: you're crazy. Two: you're probably drunk. Three: call Horatio." I pouted as Yorrick directed me. I pulled out my phone, typing in my best friend's number. Suddenly, my eyes lit up.

"But what if I didn't?" I asked excitedly. Yorrick gave me a look.

"Please just do it, Hamlet."

I pouted again. I clicked the call button, holding the phone to my ear and sticking my tongue out at the skull.

"Hiiiii Horse-tree-throw," I slurred. I heard a dissapointed sigh from the other end.

"Are you drunk?" Horse-tree-throw asked.

"Nooooooo..." I hummed. I could practically feel him shaking his head as I giggled.

"Alright, I'm coming to pick you up. Where are you?"

I scanned my surroundings, attempting to find an answer that would satisfy my friend.

"Oh! I'm next to the skull," I stated proudly. My smile faded as Horatio sighed.

"Where is the skull?" he asked.

"On the ground!"

"Okay, where on the ground?"

"Um... ooh! Right there!" I shouted, jumping up and down. He sighed again, clearly exasperated.

"Attempt number two. What street signs can you see?"

I spun around a few times, hunting for the thin green signs. "Cauldron street... there's Globe avenue..." (totally-random-not-at-all-Shakespeare-inspired street names)

"Okay. Stay where you are, I'm coming to get you."

A few minutes later, my best friend pulled up to the curb. He pushed open the door from the driver's seat, sighing at me for the third time that evening.

"Buckle up, we're going back to the dorm and you are going to bed. As much as I know you probably deserve the hangover you'll get, I can't leave you alone like this in good conscience."

I furrowed my brow in confusion at the phrases I would definitely understand if I was sober. I latched onto Horatio's arm and he accepted his fate, now steering with one hand.

~ Tem skip brought to you by Peaseblossom ~

I grinned and pressed my nose against the window as Horatio parked next to our dorm building. I unbucked my seatbelt and picked up Yorrick, carrying him in the crook of my elbow, which earned me an odd look from my human friend.