If only I could love you

Chapter 14

The loud footsteps reached the second floor and Dan heard Phil’s bedroom door opening. He pushed his head up against the door to listen.

“Dad? I thought you were going to the rugby?”

“Yeah. Do you know where my oyster card is?”

“Yeah, I think it’s-”

“Phil?” His father’s voice darkened.

“Yes?” Phil sounded nervous.

“Whose jacket is that?” Fuck! Dan had left his jacket on the bed!

“It’s mine…Dad? No!” His dad must have picked up the jacket. Shit!

“No it’s not! This isn’t your phone!” Phil’s dad was beginning to raise his voice. “Where is he?”

“No, Dad, I was just borrowing it, I swear!” Phil’s voice rose in pitch. He was utterly terrified. Dan’s throat tightened, hearing Phil sound like this upset him.

“Here?” the footsteps reached the bathroom door, which was flung open by Phil’s father. Dan jumped backwards, alarmed. Behind his dad stood Phil, arm outstretched mouth wide open. “You?!” His dad seemed shocked and furious at the same time.

“He’s just a friend, Dad, I swear, I-” Phil was mid-sentence when his father spun around and struck him across the face with the back of his hand. Hard. Phil cried out and stumbled backwards, clutching at his cheek. Dan stood and stared, speechless.

“You fucking faggot!” Phil flinched as his father shouted, “What did I fucking tell you?!”  Without waiting for a reply, he raised his fist, poised to hit Phil again.

“STOP!” Dan yelled. He felt sick from the shock of what he had just witnessed.

Phil’s dad turned to look at him, glaring. Phil backed away slowly, hyperventilating. His dad then turned and walked towards the bedroom door.

When he reached it, he announced, “I’ve got to get to the match,” he pointed at Dan, “I want you out of here,” Then he turned to Phil, “I’ll deal with you later.”

With that, he left. Phil slowly walked over to his bed and, as he sat, Dan rushed over to him. He knelt on the bed so that he was higher than the other boy and placed his hands on either shoulder.

“Are you okay?” Phil looked up into his eyes, and nodded. Liar. Of course he wasn’t okay. His eyes were wet, but he wasn’t crying, although he was shaking quite a bit. Dan took Phil’s chin between his thumb and forefinger and tilted it up and to the right so that he could examine his left cheek. A large bruise was beginning to form where his father had hit him.

“Phil, is this a common occurrence? Your dad hitting you, I mean.” Phil shook his head, looking down at his hands, which rested in his lap. “Phil look at me, and please be honest,” slowly Phil looked up, into Dan’s eyes. “Has he hit you before?” Phil nodded. Suddenly, all concern for Phil was replaced by anger.  He began to yell, “You’ve got to do something! Tell the police! Tell someone! How long-”

“Dan, calm down! It’s not that simple!”

“WHY, Phil?! Why does he have a problem with me being here?” Phil scrunched his eyes shut and sighed. Dan breathed in deeply, to calm himself down. He raised his hand to the bruise on Phil’s cheek, and brushed it with his thumb. Phil winced. “Please tell me? I only want to help you.”

Phil opened his eyes and looked up at Dan. “You wanna know?” Dan nodded. “Okay.” He sounded nervous. “My dad has a very big problem… with the fact that I like boys, rather than girls.”

“What?”

“I’m gay, Dan.”

The butterflies in Dan’s stomach began to flutter around like there was no tomorrow. Did this mean that he had a chance with Phil? He was almost gleeful, until he looked up and saw the bruise on Phil’s face, and remembered how it had gotten there.

“In around January, this year, I had been going out with my first boyfriend, Charlie, for about three months.” Phil smiled weakly, “I hadn’t come out to my parents or people at school yet. Just a few close friends. Well… one evening, my dad came home early from work, and found me and Charlie kissing on the sofa. He was seriously angry, screaming about how it’s wrong, and a sin and stuff. He kicked Charlie out of the house and demanded an explanation. That’s when I told him I was gay. That was the first time he hit me. Fucking beat the shit out of me. I couldn’t go to school for a week. He told me that I could never see Charlie again. I didn’t listen to him, I still saw Charlie, every weekend. But we had to be careful- extremely careful. Eventually it became so stressful trying to see him that we broke up. But a couple of months later, my dad went on to my Facebook and read our messages. So he found out that I had continued to see Charlie. So he decided it was best if we moved. He had to leave his job in Manchester, but he was sure he’d find a new one in London. He said that I wasn’t allowed to have any boys over to the house. Like that’s going to stop me from being who I am,” He scowled.

“Phil, that’s awful, I’m so sorry! You should have told me, we could have gone back to my house, although it’s still messy from the party,” suddenly the memories from the party rushed back.

Phil seemed to remember too, because he said, “Yeah, about that, I am so sorry. You see, I liked Charlie a lot. And when I came here, and met you… I didn’t think I would like someone more that I liked Charlie, but now, if it’s possible… I do.” He paused for a minute, avoiding Dan’s eyes. Did Phil just say that he liked him? “And then you kissed me at the party, and for a second I was so happy… but then I got scared, scared about my dad finding out, or other people in the party from school seeing and judging us like he does. I was just worried because I didn’t think I could like someone as much as I like you,” he continued to look down at a piece of thread which he fiddled with.

“Phil?” Dan said slowly. Phil looked up.

Dan leant in and closed the space between them with a kiss. This time, Phil didn’t push him away. Instead, he pulled Dan closer, with a tight grip on his shoulders. It lasted about a minute before Dan pulled away and smiled into Phil’s eyes.

“I’ll go get you some ice,” he said, “Where’s the kitchen?”

“Bottom floor on the left.”

Dan stood up, before turning and leaning down to kiss Phil once more. Then he walked out of the room. Once the door was shut behind him, he had a mini-celebration, before beginning to walk down the stairs.

(AN: AN EXPLINATION for my absence! I came back to London and I was seeing friends quite a bit bc we’re trying to make the most of the last few days of the summer holiday, im so sorry <3 also idk about this part, and I have to leave soon so ive only proof-read it once, so if theres any mistakes, let me know and I will fix them when I get back)