If only I could love you

Chapter 3

-- 3 weeks later--

Dan was preparing for a jog. Leave all his troubles behind. It would give him time to think things over. Clear his head. Plus, he needed to get fit, he currently found it straining to walk up the stairs. So Dan had his trainers, a t-shirt, and his shorts on. Ready to go. All he needed to do was start jogging. And so he did. Headphones on, music blasting into his ears, the temperature was perfect, not too hot, not too cold. It was a perfect day. Except it wasn't. Yesterday had been a normal day, just like any other Saturday, study in the morning, Zoe in the afternoon and evening. Saturday was date day. Which was usually fine, they would go out to a film, or to dinner, or play videogames, and it was all great. Dan liked Zoe, and she was beautiful. Except that is what went wrong yesterday; Dan realised that he didn't like Zoe as a person. Sure, she was gorgeous, and they liked similar TV shows, and videogames. But, that was all. To be honest, she was kind-of controlling, she wouldn't let Dan hang out with other girls, and there had been the occasion when Dan would go to the bathroom, and come back to find her on his phone, looking through texts. She also had some very questionable beliefs; she disagreed with gay marriage. Dan wasn't gay, but he still believed that anyone should be allowed to get married, no matter what their sexuality, it was just unfair to try and oppose that. But when Dan had tried to bring that up, Zoe had spent a good twenty minutes trying to justify her beliefs, so in the end, Dan dropped it. That is why Dan was feeling miserable as he turned the corner at the end of his road, already tired, and wanting to turn back. He had never broken up with anyone before. What where you meant to say? The truth? She would be hurt! Or would she? Dan picked up the pace. She was a big girl, she could handle herself, and she could easily get another boyfriend. And it wasn't as if they'd even dated that long, it must of been what? Three, four months? She would be fine.

Dan, feeling calmer, began to immerse himself in his music. Getting used to the pain in his chest, he set into a steady pace. A few minutes went by, until Dan stopped, bent over with his hands on his knees, to get his breath back. He had never really been good at sport. As Dan stood there, hunched over, two small hands came from behind and covered his eyes.

"Guess who!" a musical voice rang out. Zoe. It was Zoe. What was she doing here?

Dan laughed to fill the silence. "Aha, Hey Zoe," Dan stood up straight and turned to look at his girlfriend. She, too, was wearing a jogging outfit.

"I didn't know you jogged on Sundays? Where you headed?" Of course! Zoe jogs every Sunday from Highgate bridge to Finsbury Park. How had he forgotten?

"I don't really know, I was just... jogging.” Dan’s mind was saying “do it! Break up with her now!” He was confused and worried about how she’d take it. He tried to mask it with a smile.

"Cool! Well, I'll go with you," she began to gently jog on ahead, then paused and turned to face Dan, who was rooted to the spot. "Well? You coming?" Dan had no choice but to accept.

They jogged slowly through the park, Zoe was telling Dan about this problem that she was having with one of the other girls in her class, but Dan wasn't really listening. Until suddenly, Zoe stopped, and grabbed Dan's arm to stop him, too.

"Dan?" Dan looked up from his shoes, and into her hazel eyes. He nodded, as if to say "yes?"

"I just want to say; I really, really like you. You're so good to me, Dan. I just feel so lucky that you’re mine," she smiled, placed a hand on Dan's cheek, and kissed him. "I don't know what I would do without you," she smiled jokily, "probably something bad.” She looked at Dan, expecting a reply. Oh god, Dan was thinking. She wanted him to say the same things, to tell her that he liked her a lot too, that he would do something bad, if they broke up. But that wasn’t true. Dan felt awful, but he had stopped liking Zoe. His feelings had changed. But he couldn’t break up with her, now. What if she was telling the truth? What if she did do something bad?

Dan forced a smile. “Zoe…,” what could he say? He couldn’t lead her on. That wasn’t right! She smiled up at him. “I love you.” As soon as the words left his mouth, Dan realised they were the opposite of what he wanted to say. Fuck. Zoe beamed, and then kissed him, aggressively. She broke away and hugged him.

“I love you too, Dan,” she mumbled into his chest. Then, she took a step back, the smile gone for a second, then back again. Dan thought he saw a flicker of guilt in her eyes. “I’ve gotta go,” she pointed backwards with her thumb, “meeting up with some friends. See you later, Dan.” With that, she turned on her heel, and left. Dan watched her go, when she turned round the corner and was no longer in sight, he swore out loud.

“FUCK! Fuckfuckfuck,” he kicked the nearby bin. Suddenly, he found himself leaving the park and walking down the road. He took out a cigarette and a lighter from his back pocket and sat down on a low wall which lined the inner side of the pavement. He lit the cigarette and took a huge drag.  He should never have said that. That was the last thing he should have said. He was leading her on. If this was a story, and some random person was reading, they would think “wow, what a dick,” which is what he was. How could he? Anxiety started to rise in Dan’s chest. Things were getting out of control. This issue aside, he should really be at home, working. He had bunked off from too many lessons recently, just to meet that Phil Lester kid again. But he hadn’t seen him since their first meeting. It was rather strange, actually, considering he thought Phil had joined the school, he didn’t seem to be attending any lessons. Dan didn’t know what is was about him, Phil just seemed so new and…interesting? Whatever it was, Dan wanted to get to know him a bit better. Dan looked up and gasped. It was as if someone had heard him. Fate had heard him, and his chance had suddenly come. Phil Lester was on the other side of the road. He was wearing a grey hoodie and black skinny jeans, from his pockets came a wire which lead to the headphones which sat on his head. He took a sharp turn to his left and entered an abandoned looking building. Dan stood up and stomped out his cigarette. He crossed the road. Upon closer inspection, he discovered that the building was in fact not abandoned, it was actually an old boxing club, still active. Obviously, they hadn’t done up the building for a while. Without a second thought, Dan entered the building.

(AN: heyheyhey guys, I hope youre enjoying this! The next couple of chapters have been planned but I have exams coming up, so im probably gonna concentrate on them for the time being, check out my tumblr blog honeyitsrainingoutside for updates, and loads of gifs of dan and phil <3 among other things. Let me know if youre enjoying it ^.^ thank you for reading xx)