Almost Something, Almost Everything

Ignored

People always ignore me. Just because I do not speak very often does not mean I don't have anything to say because I promise you I do. I have lots to say. But my whole life people always ignored me to the point where eventually I gave up and I just stopped talking. People ignore me, and it hurts.

I know that nobody really cares, but it hurts to not be heard, by anyone. It hurts when people ignore me. I can recall being in school one day, recently. I was walking the halls with two girls. One of them was on the basketball team. I asked her how their game the day before had gone, she did not respond. The other girl turned to her and spoke for me, "Ally asked you how the game went last night." She looked surprised. And I promise you this is exactly what she said, "Oh, it was good. We won! I'm sorry I'm just so used to you being quiet, so I just ignore you," She responded with, laughing. As if that is a funny statement. It is most certainly not. That statement is incredibly hurtful. Of course, I did not call her out on this because she probably would have ignored me anyway. She had ignored me, and it hurt.

Another time I was ignored also occurred in the halls at school. I was walking with a different group of people. These people I like to call the "innocent ones." 'Innocent ones" means, among other things, they do not say swear words. I, however, do swear, just not in front of certain crowds. I asked one of the girls about a test I would be taking later in the day. She had already taken it. She mentioned it was the hardest test we had taken all year in that class. I, without thinking, responded with, "Well sh*t." I didn't say it loud, but still loud enough for them to hear. Immediately after I said it I realized what I had done. I was waiting for them to say something to me, to criticize me, but they didn't. Someone brought up a new topic, and they never even noticed. Eventually, it occurred to me that they did not say anything because they were not listening to me. They had ignored me, and it hurt.

I tend to enjoy when people have ignored me, and they realize they have, so they ask me to repeat myself. This happens all the time. I will say something and everybody will ignore me, whether it is out of habit like the basketball player, or just because they do not care like the "innocent ones," then they will ask me to repeat what I had previously stated. I normally refuse. They insist as if it is a privilege now that I have their ear. But it is not. I do not want you to hear me if you initially did not want to. I do not need to earn your attention, you need to earn my respect in order to have the pleasure of listening to me. I will leave them with no information as they no longer deserve to know what I had said. They missed out and that is their fault, and I will not feel guilty for making them pay, a small price, for not caring enough because they do deserve to pay, one way or another. People ask me to repeat myself after being ignored, and it hurts.

Nobody ever listens to me, so I no longer speak very often. That is the world's fault. They forced me into my decision to stop speaking so much. I do not regret my decision one bit. People need to learn to stop taking things for granted. People ignore me, and it hurts.