Save Me ≫ Jelena

3.0 - he's my dad, and i love him

"I promise" I whispered, butterflies filling up my stomach, making me feel a little sick.

"Okay, well..." He took in a deep breath and released it slowly. "It was an accident, I-"

"An accident?!" I yelled, cutting him off and grabbing peoples attention around me.

"Justin" He spoke sternly, reminding me of the promise I made. I muttered a quiet sorry and he nodded, silently forgiving me.

"Anyway... Yes, it was an accident. It was actually her who picked up the knife in the first place and everytime I tried to move closer to her, she threatened to use it on me. I went to take the knife from her, but somehow we ended up fighting over it and well, when she snatched it off of me, she accidently plunged it into her chest" He frowned and stared at his fingers that were now ontop of the table. "I didn't do it, I would never have even thought about touching her like that!"

I sat there blinking slowly, with my jaw hanging low and goosebumps all over my arms. I wanted to think about everything he was saying, but I just couldn't. My mind had gone completely blank and nothing would form.

"When the police came, they concluded it as suicide because of her fingersprints on it. I tried to explain the situation, but they didn't believe me" He shook his head, muttering the last part through his teeth.

"I've only cried a small amount times in my adult life, and that was one of them. The first time was when I first saw you and held you in my arms, you were the perfect child. The second time was when your mother said yes to marrying me, it was a long shot and I didn't think she would actually say yes, but she did immediately - I never got to marry her in the end, the whole knife thing happened before we could even start planning it. The third time was on your first day of school, I was so proud of you and I couldn't believe that my little boy was going to school on his own. The fourth time was when I hurt you for the first time. I felt so disgusted with myself for even touching you in a violent way that all I could do was cry, I didn't stop for hours because I knew that what I did was wrong and it made me feel sick. The fifth time was when you ran away from me and hid at that girls house over the road. I thought I lost you, I thought you had been taken and that you didn't have anyone there to save you. I was so broken, every bad thought ran through my head, making me scared that I really had lost you forever. And the last time I cried was the night I was brought in here. It hit me like a tonne of bricks that I had failed you and my myself in life. I hurt you, I let you down and I put myself in here. I'm so ashamed of myself, hell that doesn't even amount to how much I hate myself. I'm just waiting for the day that God decides that it's my time to die and kills me, because honestly, I'm too much of a coward to do it myself"

I stared at him in disbelief, not bothering to wipe away the tears that were filling my eyes and spilling over, falling down my face. My eyes were burning, my palms were sweating like crazy and my stomach flipped over and over again, churning everything up.

"W-why did y-you hurt me? I-I'm sorry if I did s-something wrong, I swear I didn't m-mean to" I squeaked out, my voice breaking in the middle.

His eyes began to water and he bit lip, before shaking his head. "You did nothing wrong, that's why I'm so sickened by why I did it. I don't actually have a reason, not a good one at least. I could blame it on the death of your mother, I could blame it on the way my father raised me or I could balme it on that fact that I'm not strong enough to be a single parent, but none of those reasons are good enough and they don't justify abusing you. I wish I could give you a reason, just to put your mind at ease, but I just can't"

"B-but why did y-you drug me when I came b-back home?" By now, my tears were falling off my face splashing on the table, making little wet spots.

"When you went, I was scared. I didn't know what happened to you, you just disappeared. One minute, I'm on the couch and then I guess I fell asleep because when I woke up, you were gone when I went to check on you in your room" He bit his lip, holding back the tears that were so close to slipping over. "So when I got you back I drugged you, so you couldn't run away again. I didn't want to lose you again, I was worried sick and hurt. Every night I slept in your room, just hoping that you would climb through the window again, like I know you do, but you never did. I didn't want to feel the way I did again, so I did whatever I could to make sure you couldn't leave. You scared me and all I wanted to know was that you were safe and out of danger"