Keep Faith

Heartache

Junsu peeked his head round the door into the pitch black apartment, the only thing that was visible was the light coming from the TV. A bunch of familiar voices boomed out of the speakers speaking over one another. Yoochun raised an eyebrow as he was plastered to Junsu's back.

Junsu opened the door wider and he shuffled in with Yoochun still attached. They both walked into the apartment and stopped to slip off their shoes and into slippers.

Yoochun released Junsu and walked ahead of him as he closed the door behind him. Yoochun licked his lips freezing at the entrance of the living area where the sound of people became louder with every second. Junsu unbuttoned his jacket and stood next to Yoochun as he watched his other half on the screen.

Yoochun stood beside Jaejoong, who stood in the middle of Yoochun and Yunho. The pair beside him answered the questions asked by the person interviewing them while Yoochun nodded alongside. Every now and then Yunho would glance at the Jaejoong at the start of every question thrown at him. Jaejoong in turn kept stealing glances back at him with a slight smile.

Junsu looked up at Yoochun as grabbed his hand, Yoochun gazed down at Junsu and closed his eyes. Junsu leant his cheek on his bicep.

"You look like a pair of stalkers standing there"

Yoochun let out a deep sigh leaning on the back of the chaise with both hands "when your closest friend gets lost in memories when we're not here, me and Junsu have to be stalkers."

Jaejoong reached back and patted one of his hands as the video was coming to an end. He picked the remote and paused the video.

The picture came to a standstill. Jaejoong and Yunho stared into each other's eyes, Yoochun smiled knowingly at the camera.

Present Yoochun straightened up and removed his hand from underneath Jaejoong's "How often?"

Jaejoong shook his head "You wouldn't understand".

"You don't talk to us how can we" Junsu said.

Jaejoong sighed and got off the sofa with his back to them "I want to know where this look has gone." He paused "I want the me then."

"What do you want us to do Jaejoong?" he asked. "Go back" he paused "Go back to wasting our energy on something we knew would never amount to anything. We consented to everything they asked. Exhausted ourselves so they could walk all over us. What part of you do you want from back then?" He crossed his arms across his chest.

"I would try and change it" Jaejoong stated turning around.

"Tell us how we should have changed it because there is nothing. What we done back then was the right thing at the time because god knows Yunho and Changmin wouldn't have started from the ground up again."

Jaejoong shrugged "Change the way everything got so out of hand."

Yoochun licked his bottom lip and growled in annoyance.

Junsu stepped in before Yoochun would say something he didn't mean. "It wouldn't have mattered Jaejoong. Yunho is too level headed to walk into something unknown. Changmin was the youngest and would stick to Yunho with everything he had because he doesn't know any better."

On some level Jaejoong knew what Junsu said was true but part of him, some small part couldn't just let it go.

No matter how many times he replayed that day in his head it would always end in Yunho's hurt expression, and the blank face of Changmin as he stared at the wall opposite him. He remembered it so clearly that every time he closed his eyes it burned. The pain suffocating his senses so all he could feel was the darkness creeping up through his nose and down his throat. Filling him up so full of guilt and shame.