Back To The Start

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Sanem regrets the day she met Can Divit. She does. Only Can has the power to make her feel like she's flying and be miserable at the same time. She is both in love with him and hates his guts. After CeyCey's revelation, she takes the time to prepare herself mentally for the upcoming confrontation. You don't need him. If only her damn heart will listen to her head.

When Can walks into her room, she wants to yell at him and release all her anger, but she finds herself unable to. Her heart still stutters when she sees him smile. Her mind still draws a blank when she sees a peek of his dimples. Stop it, Sanem!

She knows she's glaring at him, and the idiot smiles at her. He knows she's seething. He's probably counting on her keeping her mouth shut because the twins are in the back seat chatting.

" Baba made breakfast... Baba carry...Baba...Baba.. "

It's enough to drive her insane. She knows it's coming. A part of her can't help but be scared of what her husband is planning for her. If there's one thing she can be sure of: Can Divit hates to lose.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It's the calm before the storm. He can feel it. If the clenched fists are any indication, Can knows she is just biding her time before she lets him have it. He has to hand it to her. She lasted longer than he anticipated but then again, he doesn't know her anymore. They've been apart longer than they've been together.

She clearly moved on from him. What did he expect? Sanem has always been the stronger one between the two of them. She has proven that over and over again. All he did was leave again and again. A person can only take so much pain and disappointment before they write you off their life.

Maybe Sanem had the right idea. Getting a divorce would be the logical solution. He's positive that they can keep it civil for the twins. They probably won't even realize that their parents aren't together. After all, Orion and Violet didn't even know he existed until yesterday.

The thought of ripping apart his family after he found them is making him sick. He can't help the tears of frustration currently making its way towards his tear ducts. He keeps blinking in hopes that the tears won't fall. Can looks at his wife next to him. He's still head over heels in love with her. But can he convince her to give them a chance?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sanem knew the moment they arrived at her house, Can will do everything in his power to be the father she always imagined him to be. The children barely had to speak, and he already knew what either one of them wanted. It was as if he could read their minds. Of course he can.

She's seen this before in a dream: Can by the stove, carrying Violet with one arm and stirring something on the stove with the other. Orion is sitting next to her, playing with her hair like his father is known to do. If she closes her eyes, she can convince herself that she's dreaming because, in her dreams, Can looks at her with happiness, not a mixture of anger and fear. It was almost nirvana.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The twins are finally down. Can steels himself for the conversation that's about to happen. He knows she's angry and hurt. He can't trust his anger either. For both their sake, he hopes he can reign it in.

Luckily, he found her liquor cabinet last night. This conversation needs liquor. Perhaps several bottles of them. He pours himself a glass of the hard stuff and her a glass of wine. Sanem has always been more forthcoming when she's had a glass or two.

He enters her room slowly. There she is, laying on the bed with her injured leg propped up on top of a pillow. He knows she's in pain and not just from the accident because he can barely breathe himself from the ache that is currently residing in his chest.

"Why are you still here, Can?"

Can finally looks at her to his heart's content. She is still the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. He still can't believe he married her, and she gave him the children he secretly wished.

"Where else would I be?"

He can tell it isn't the right thing to say. Sanem's barely hanging on by a thread.

"I waited for you to come back. For two months, I waited for you to come home. Maybe you were right. Maybe we made a mistake getting married. Two months, Can. I held on for two months. Where were you?"

Can drinks the contents of the glass in one gulp. Hearing Sanem relive the hell he left her in makes him want to punch something. Maybe even himself.

"I couldn't breathe anymore. I was the wife who couldn't hold on to her husband. I was the reason you lost everything: the company, your license, your family. I couldn't stay. So I filed the papers and left it for Leyla. I knew you would come back to Istanbul eventually. You had to get a divorce if you ever wanted to remarry. I'm sure Polen would've understood. Why didn't you sign the papers, Can? I deserve to move on."

His love still thinks he's secretly harboring feelings for his ex. Doesn't she know she is his one and only? Without her, he is a shell of a man. Everyone he comes in contact with knows it. He is nothing without her.

There is one question still burning in his mind.

" Did you know you were pregnant when you left Istanbul?"

"No. I found out soon enough. I thought about going back, but I realized something. If you couldn't love me enough to stay, then you wouldn't have done it for the children either. They deserve better than that. They will always come first. They deserve to be loved."

Can feels heartbreaking. His pride had broken her, and the kids pieced her back together. He knows he didn't deserve her forgiveness, but he can't help but hope. The faces of his children come to the forefront in his mind: Violet asking him to help fix her mother and Orion asking him if he's their father.

Can decides to lay it all out there. This time around, Sanem holds his heart in her hands, and she has the power to break him irrevocably.

"Give me six months. Six months for us to be a family. I love you, Sanem. It's always been you. I can't imagine going forward without you or them. If you still want to get divorced after, I won't contest in court. I want to be the husband and the father you all deserve. I've already missed so much. Please, sevgilim."

Can sees the wheels turning in her head, and with bated breath, he waits for her answer.

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