Demoted || Genyatta

Chapter 18: We Want Action And Decision That We Can't Fake

With so much on his mind but so little to do, the three days seemed to be passing alarmingly fast. Before Genji knew it, it was Sunday night and he was alone in the dark mess hall, sitting at the table in the exact middle of the room, plainly staring ahead of him. It was late, at least 2 am, yet Genji wasn't at all tired. His mind had been running wild non-stop.

The mess hall was a lot more ominous at night. With the lack of usual loud banter, sounds of pots and pans clanging in the kitchen, and heavy smells of food, this room came across way remoter; it was slightly unsettling to sit here in the dark.

Finally, after 30 minutes of waiting on his own, McCree trudged through the double doors. He spotted Genji instantly—the cyborg was the only one here, after all—and slowly (almost cautiously, Genji noticed) made his way over to the table, taking a seat across from Genji. Judging from his droopy eyes and wild hair, he'd already been in bed by the time he read Genji's message on his personal computer.

McCree plainly stared at Genji for a moment before speaking. "Care to explain what we're doing here in the middle of the night?" He didn't quite manage to stifle a yawn.

"I need your help," Genji admitted.

"My what now?" McCree asked, startled. He looked slightly skeptical as he looked Genji up and down. "What for?"

Genji had been stuck in his mind for the past three days, unable to make sense of his thoughts, and he was running out of time. Zen's mission was tomorrow, yet Genji still hadn't been able to clear his thoughts long enough to make up his mind. He needed someone to talk to; someone to help him make sense of what he was feeling.

"I've been thinking.." Genji started slowly.

"Thinking is good."

"..about Zen's first mission."

McCree leaned forward on the table, letting another yawn slip. "It's tomorrow, ain't it? What about it?"

Now that he was sitting here with McCree, Genji didn't know how to start. Once again, it felt like all of his words got tangled up before he could speak them. The only thing he had now figured out was that he was scared, but what was McCree supposed to do with that information? What was it, exactly, that he was scared of? Was it just fear of Zen's well-being? But then why did his mind refuse to just let him go on this mission alongside him?

With a deep breath, Genji decided to just spit it out.

"Every time I think about his mission, I just feel fear," he said carefully.

McCree suddenly didn't look tired anymore; he was visibly shocked at Genji's words, and leaned closer towards him when he asked, "Fear? You mean fear for Zenyatta's well-being?"

With a shrug, Genji muttered, "I guess." McCree raised both his eyebrows.

"Well there's an easy solution for that. Go with him on the mission," he said, mirroring Genji's shrug.

A part of Genji hated that McCree was being so nonchalant about this; he made it seem like Genji's problems were small, insignificant things with easy solutions. But another, more rational part realized that having McCree act so calm was actually what he needed. Genji struggled with making sense of what to do, but to McCree, it might be very obvious.

The simple 'solution' of going with Zenyatta, however, did not lessen his fear at all. If anything, it made him more stressed about the decision he had to make. Going with Zen would mean there was a high possibility of him fucking things up. Wait, was that it? Was that why he was so scared?

"But.. what if he gets hurt because of me?" Genji asked slowly. "Isn't he better off without me there?"

"What? Of course not," McCree said instantly. Genji gave him a doubtful look, so McCree sighed. "I get what this is about. The last mission you were on, things went south, and you're scared it'll happen again with Zenyatta."

It suddenly made sense. That was exactly why Genji's insides twisted every time he thought about joining Zen; he wasn't all that scared of Zen getting hurt on the mission (the omnic could handle himself perfectly, after all), but he was absolutely terrified of being the one hurting him. He'd never forgive himself if he managed to fuck things up so badly once again. Not with the one person he truly cared for.

Genji nodded ever so slightly. McCree was right, and the cowboy straightened up.

"Listen, Genji. You might not have fully realized this yet, but you've changed. A lot. About three months ago, you believed you were better than anyone here. You were selfish, arrogant, and refused to see any of it. But now you're sitting here with me, seeing me as your equal, and asking for help."

Genji just stared at McCree, and realized he was right again. Of course he was. Genji had already noticed his change in attitude towards Zen, but had failed to see how much he'd changed in general. Now that McCree had pointed it out, it was painfully obvious.

"Go on the mission," McCree finished softly. "You won't be a danger to anyone. Not anymore."

Along with McCree's words, Genji's chest finally felt a little lighter, and a weight was lifter off his shoulders. Genji had changed a lot after his demotion; after meeting Zen. His first thought was no longer his rank or reputation, but, in this case, Zenyatta's safety. Genji wondered if this had been Reyes' plan all along—demote Genji to make him see that rank didn't mean everything. Either way, Reyes' motivation wasn't important right now.

"So I should-" Genji started, only for McCree to cut him off. 

"Just go. Zenyatta wants you there too, believe me."

"Okay." Genji nodded. "I will talk to Reyes in the morning."

The relief he felt at finally making a decision was insane. He was going. No more obsessing about it; the decision had been made and Genji felt happy with his choice. Now that McCree had reassured him, he was much less convinced that he'd get Zen hurt. He could go with him and make sure things went alright, rather than screwing them up.

"Good. I'm glad," McCree said in response to Genji's decision.

The two shared a moment of silence. McCree was looking at Genji in a way that the cyborg had never seen before; his expression was softer, or something; Genji couldn't quite place it.

With a smile, McCree stood up and stretched his arms. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going back to bed. And if I were you, I'd do the same. There's an early mission waiting for you."

The cowboy's boots clanged loudly as he made his way to the exit. Genji quickly called out to him, "Thank you!"

With a tip of his hat, McCree disappeared around the corner.

Despite McCree's advice, Genji stayed seated in the mess hall for a long while after that, feeling excited for the first time since his demotion. A civilian rescue mission with Zen. Genji wondered how Zenyatta would react if he showed up at the last second, and the butterflies in his stomach returned, fluttering around happily.

Eventually, Genji got up and started jogging towards his room, his heart feeling lighter than it had in a long time.