Boulevard Dreamer (Ryden)

-eighty-

"Well, Captain Knots, I think I've psyched myself up about this enough. What do you think?"

I think it says a lot about me when I'm completely comfortable playing dress up in front of a cat and part of me expects him to respond. He kinda does? He tilts his head slightly to the side and meows as if to ask me why what I'm wearing matters and- I'm reading so much into the most basic cat reaction ever.

Okay.

Ha..

Safe to say I'm a little stressed.

"Captain Knots isn't a witch who got turned into a cat, so he probably won't have a witty remark for you, Sabrina," Z smiles knowingly as she leans in the doorframe of my room with her arms crossed loosely in front of her chest, "That's my job."

"Do you think he'll like it?" I push my glasses a little further up the bridge of my nose. Nerdy? Yes. Do I need to see? Yeah, but that doesn't change what I just did.

"I think he likes you and that's enough," She walks over to me to straighten out the collar of the plain white shirt I chose to wear. I wanted to go with something pretty casual, but not.. too casual.

Do you feel like you're watching Queer Eye yet?

"Also, yeah, the song you wrote is kind of the most adorable thing I've ever heard in my life," She chuckles lightly and I feel myself relax into a small smile, "In my experience, people tend to work in opposite ways. The happiest, kindest people I've ever met are also the saddest. The most hardened people like Ryan are total softies once you get to know them. He's got a soft spot for you. You'll see more of it everyday, I promise. He'll smile more, he'll laugh, you'll catch him staring at you like he would rather die than not be right by your side."

"Did he do that for you?"

She pauses. She just stops.. Then she glances down at the floor before sighing softly and slowly nodding her head.

He did.

And she misses it.

No matter how supportive she is of Ryan and I being together, a part of her, even a tiny part, still misses the little things. The way he smiled at her, laughed with her, looked at her like he was the only person he ever wanted.

And y'know what?

"I get it," I flash her an understanding smile as she looks up at me again, "It's an indescribable feeling to think about life without the one person you thought you'd spend yours with. I think you're just about the strongest person I've ever met because you still support him and you can be around him all the time, even if it hurts, even a little bit. I.. I hope I get there someday with Dallon, but- Oh, my god."

"What?"

"I'm Jim Hutton."

Z's silent for maybe.. two seconds before I catch her trying to stifle a laugh that gets harder to fight with each passing second.

"I'm happy you finally got the joke," She speaks in the breaks of her laugh while I reassess my entire life for a moment.

Ryan's Freddie Mercury. Metaphorically.

Z's definitely Mary Austin.

And I'm- Oh, my god. I'm stupid.

Okay, but why doesn't Ryan have more cats?

Wow.

Love that.

"But wait, Mary and Jim hate each other, don't they?" Now, I have to dig into this, "Or did I completely misunderstand that book-"