Ineffable, ᴘᴇᴛᴇʀ ᴋᴀᴠɪɴsᴋʏ (editing)

OVER

''We're breaking up Alec.'' She said firmly, drying out her wet face with the hem of her sleeves. ''We're no good to each other anymore.'' 

If any sound could kill, hearing Alec sob louder after she spoke was how she'd die. Every part of her heart broke both metaphorical and physically because her chest hurt. She wanted to run, hug his waist and tell him it was okay and that they could try it again, of course, but she knew that wasn't going to do both any good in the long run. 

''It really fucking sucks y'know? I compromised my own feelings and ignored them because I wanted to see you happy more than anything else, because I loved you. But people have their breaking point Rita and I reached mine, i'm the one who's hurt and you're the one who's not even willing to work it out.'' He laughed a laugh so sharp and dry it could cut trough the snowy mountain outside the window. 

''You're the one who's hurt?'' She mimicked his laugh. She hated how passive-aggressive the conversation was becoming mostly because it was sad, sad and petty.  ''You put me tough fucking hell this past few days, I haven't been able to breath properly since Friday.'' He hand wrapped around her throat, it was hurting. Alec was still facing the window, his arm leaned against the frame. ''I have this knot on my throat that won't go away. I feel like I'm losing myself because I like you and liking you is hurting me.''

''Yeah. What did I do to you?'' He turned around so fast Rita got dizzy. His face was dry, he was drained too. A twisted expression appeared on his face, like he truly didn't have a clue. ''I did nothing but love you unconditionally and the second I don't-''

Rita snorted. ''If you love me you wouldn't even consider putting me in the horrible position you did, making me fucking chose between my two favorite things? You would never put yourself trough the slight hypotheses of losing me. I know I wouldn't make you chose me over Lacrosse.'' She knew she had made a fair point then because Alec's expression showed guilt of a sudden. He had been accepted early for UCLA in a Lacrosse scholarship and he knew he would never give that up to stay with Rita. Both knew that.  ''You acted upon pride. You gave me up as soon as there was a real threat to yourself being hurt. That isn't love, or at least not a version of it I can respect. You broke me so don't do keep going around thinking you did nothing and I'm the bad guy for not giving theater up for you. Own it.'' She raised her finger with authority. Alec looked out the window again. 

She never realized before how he was unable to maintain direct eye contact when confronted. He seemed great at it with Peter when he was beating him up - maybe he couldn't because he knew she was right and looking into her eyes he was slapped with her pain. 

''You understand I didn't make you chose between theater and me. It was between Peter and I.''  Rita groaned so loudly it could have triggered an avalanche on the outside. ''I wanted you to fight for me, show me he doesn't matter. But you had an answer on cue and I wasn't expecting it, I couldn't help but blame him.'' Alec sat down again, his voice was soft and low. ''I honestly just wanted to be sure I was in first place in your life.'' He was looking at her now. 

''Seriously?'' Rita wasn't calm, if anything she was so mad heat poured out her skin in waves. She saw her efforts meant nothing to the boy and beyond it making her feel useless it made her blood boil. ''You were always my number one, the first in everything Alec. I put you above anyone else and the fact you don't see or value that tells me I'm doing the right thing.'' She nodded and Alec pressed his eyes together. ''I chose to put myself first ONCE and stay on the play and you completely look past the fact I finally found myself, found my purpose, was genuinely content, not even worrying about my mother as much and focus simply on the fact I have to kiss Peter. You only thought about yourself and how it would feel good to have me chose you over Peter because clearly in your head that is why I'm in the club in the first place. ''