You do as I say, understood?

Shutting Down

"Oh how I've missed you Bumblebee, nothing is the same without you around"

I roll my eyes at her fake interpretation of a "nice" woman.

"So. What do you want?" I spit, her face changes to confusion. Someone's surprised that my balls finally dropped in the last 6 years since I've been away I assume.

"I just miss you, I looked everywhere for you, but couldn't find you"  she pouts

"I mean yeah, that's what happens when people don't want you to find them." I roll my eyes again causing her to sigh

"I miss you in my life, but I understand, I need to win you back, and I will. For now, all i can do is just make you happy & comfortable"

I was about to speak but she cuts me off as she opens her purse & turns it so i can see what's inside, 6 huge bottles of pills.
I stare at her confused
She smiles at me

"I know very well that oxys and coke were your favorite"

I get up from the table and turn to walk out of the cafe, she's following closely behind me, I shake my head as I walk towards my car unlocking it as i walk to it but her arm stops me and I turn to her

"Listen. I've been clean for 27 months. Okay? I don't want your fucking drugs. You just want me to be all high and dumb again so you can manipulate me. Just like you did when I was a child." I say through gritted teeth, my eyes radiating anger.

"I'm not, I promise, I just know how happy these things made you, I just want you to be happy. Okay?" She flashes an evil smile, I can see right through this fake ass persona.

"You don't have to use them, just take them"

She quickly opens my car door and throws the 6 giant bottles of oxys and 2 giant block sized bags, which I assume is the coke, she tosses them into the passengers seat and turns to walk away. I know this game. All too well. She gets me to relapse. I act like an idiot, and she quickly controls me again. Without a single complaint from me because of how intoxicated I am. I yell at her to come back for her shit but she quickly gets into a car and drives off. My phone soon vibrates.

Unknown Number: Have fun bumblebee. You can thank me later

I roll my eyes and get into my car and quickly drive home. My hands are sweaty and I can feel the urge to use. As I keep looking down at the items on the seat next to me.

'Just once. You'll feel so much better. Don't you remember how amazing you felt? Don't you want to feel like that again? It's not relapse if you just do it once. You can control it'

I close my eyes tightly as I scratch my arm. Without thinking I scoop everything up and run into my house, closing the door behind me and running into my room, locking the door and throwing everything on my bed.
I stare down at everything as I bite my fingernails. The internal war inside of me won't subside. One side keeps shouting how I have 27 months clean and how hard I fought to get here.
The other telling me to just do it once.

I let out a loud scream as I finally break.
Reaching down with shaky hands as I open one of the pill bottles. Quickly downing 5 pills. Then breaking open one of the packages, it's all been divided into baggies each 1 gram. Perfect for on the go. She knew exactly what she was doing. A tear rolls down my cheek as I place the white powder on my thumbs fingernail, pressing my nose against it and quickly inhaling. My entire body relaxing at that very moment.

I close the baggie and the pill bottle and throw it onto my bed, as I slide down my wall, holding my legs against my chest. Regret trying to set it, but the euphoria overpowering the regret. I know I shouldn't. But fuck. I missed this feeling. Of feeling absolutely nothing.