My Step-Brothers

Chapter 68: Flashbacks

"Can I tell you guys something?" Evanna asked.

They nodded. "What?"

"Guys, I feel like there's something wrong with me... There are times where I feel so sad, and times where I'm happy, but it feels fake."

Heaven rolled her eyes. "It's probably in your head."

"God, you're being annoying right now," Kristen said. "Everyone has those days. It's probably nothing."

Evanna forced a smile. "You're probably right... I'm being dramatic."

Bella nodded. "Don't overreact. You'll be fine."

February 27th

Evanna didn't know what was wrong with her still. She did her homework in school instead of at home. She wasn't in the mood to eat. All she wanted to do was sleep and never wake up.

Bella texted Evanna. 'Send a picture of yourself. I want to change the contact picture.'

Evanna turned on her phone camera and took a few pictures for Bella. Before she sent any, Evanna looked at all of them.

Delete.

Delete.

Delete.

Evanna thought she looked ugly in all of these. Her smile was hideous. She felt tears well into her eyes as she deleted all the pictures.

Why can't I be pretty, she thought.

Evanna went up to the mirror and looked at herself. Her heart clenched as she saw a hideous, monster looking back at her. She looked so ugly to herself.

Evanna looked away, not being able to look at herself anymore. She felt that ugly.

I just want to kill myself. I don't want to exist. What's the point? I'm so ugly. I'm talentless. I'm worthless, she thought.

Evanna sent Bella a text. 'Sorry, my camera's broken. Can't send a picture.'

Bella replied. 'Ugh, Fine. So annoying...'

Evanna threw her phone on her bed, breaking down. Bella was right. She was being annoying. She was bothering everyone.

Evanna learned about self harm in school. She grabbed a thumbtack and stared at it. I won't become addicted, she told herself.

Slowly, she slid the thumbtack across her left forearm. It stung, but there was some relief in the pain. The scratch soon turned red and the area around it became swollen.

Regret filled her. Panic flooded in her eyes. She couldn't believe what she had done. She sobbed, regretting hurting herself.

At night, Evanna couldn't sleep at all. She could barely sleep until 3 or 5 AM, bad thoughts filling her head.

But something inside her that night kept telling her, 'Don't regret it.'