bts pt.2 // kim seokjin //

scene 24

"Man, you cry a lot Seokjin."

He wiped his own tears as he laughed bitterly.

"What do you expect, you're far from being strong. Cry all you want."

Breathing out, he eyed the picture of his laptop. Run was blasting in his ears. Coincidentally, when he snapped the photo, it was at the exact moment when Seokjin was playing with the cards. He smiled as tears continued to fall.

Alone in the room, the only light source were his phone and laptop.
He watched the music video, not really caring if the sound was so loud. His thoughts were louder.

He saw himself in the music video as he continued building the what seemed to be a house of cards. He smiled when he saw himself smile. He saw the cards fly as someone swat it away, his current smile dropping.

He can't tell who it was, his vision just blurring at that moment. Was it Taehyung? Or was it Jimin? He can't recall.

Now deep in his thoughts, he forgot about the video playing.

What if it was a metaphor? The part wherein Seokjin tries to build the house, and right after finishing it, it breaks. The shy smile he gave his members when he saw the house fall.

Seokjin continues to try, no matter what people said, he went on, finishing the house of cards. But despite his efforts, it was dismissed with a swipe of a hand. It was as if the video is giving him a message, that no matter how much he tried, no matter how much effort he put into it, it will be ignored, it will never be enough, that with just one wrong move, whether its because of someone or, most likely, him. And despite all that, he could only do such which was to smile.

He knew there was a positive message. Maybe the infamous "Try and try until you succeed" is one, aside from the fact that it is so cliche and has evolved into the phrase, "Try and try until you die".

But no matter what, he can't seem to grasp the good message, the positivity that the scene possesses. He doesn't know if the scene actually has a good meaning behind it.

Sighing, he was tired. Seokjin was exhausted. He can't take it.

People were tired of him.

He knew he had to end what ever he was doing. The posting of pictures, captions that reflected his thoughts, most of it without any filter. He had to stop it. But knowing the risk of putting up the photo, the risk of being known, he continues to be anxious.

Fuck risks. He was too tired to think of it.

Hitting post, he stared at the screen. He reached to the back of neck, he ran his fingers across the popped up scars. As if it was some three-dimensional art work. He imagined the rough lines as lines of a pad paper as he started listing down reasons why he knew ending it has become his choice.

People were tired of him.

If Jaehwan knows, Sandeul knows.

If they know, they'll tell his members. Not like they won't know about it unless people continue to not know, perhaps continue to be oblivious and slow on who was behind the user.

He was no longer needed nor important.

He had already destroyed his group's name before, he just had to mess it more.

"They'll no longer accept you, Seokjin. That's all you had to say."

Right, he hummed.

He looked up to the screen only to see his dim reflection. His tear filled eyes and messy hair made him smile.

He's been smiling too much. It's disgusting.

"Let's go Seokjin. You can't die looking like this."