Deal • REWRITE • BOOK 1

25; Flight of the Stars

"You don't know what I'm feeling," I snapped quietly, my eyebrows furrowed as I glared at what became a shadow of Lucien, everything suddenly becoming a blur with the thoughts that started to plague my mind and alter my reality. "You will never know what I'm feeling. How can you even say that to me after everything that's happened?"

"Aria, I wasn't-"

"Do you know how hard it is to live with myself when I know I can't have kids and then this happens?" I asked, feeling my heartbeat soar in pace as my body washed over in an overwhelming heat that only made me feel cold when I found myself smelling the potent tinge of blood in the air. "I killed a child."

I suddenly stilled when the words left my mouth.

"You aren't the reason that she's-"

"I killed a child..." I repeated through a heavy sudden breath, my words resonating around the room whilst I stumbled back a few steps and looked down at my hands, the sticky feeling of the blood that wasn't there leaving me breathing heavily as I felt myself floating between reality and something that had happened a year ago.

Suddenly I was back to being in Sicily, covered in the blood of a woman who I didn't know was pregnant whilst staring at the sight of my completely fücked up ex...the same man that was the father of the child I'd unknowingly killed and the same man who my grandfather had stopped me from murdering.

"Aria."

"Don't touch me," I yanked my hand back, still staring between my hands that I clenched into fists as I registered the fact that despite hearing Emily tell me that her niece was with Joe, I had willingly gone ahead and defended myself, and in turn had only given Chloe to Joe on a silver platter.

...I had killed a child...once again.

I stilled, feeling my heartbeat pulse wildly as a film of memories blurred past my eyes until I was feeling the same pain I'd endured when I was being stabbed. It burned through my body whilst my attacker stood over me with no remorse, the memory clouding my mind and torturing it like a sick disease until I found myself thinking back to Sicily and to the moment where I realised I'd played out my past, only this time I was in the attackers position and I was the one staring down with no remorse.

Suddenly all I could see was red.

Blood.

So much blood, and it wasn't my own.

"You haven't..."

"I said don't touch me!" I screamed, my emotions bursting at the seams as I pushed away a hard body when they went to grab me, my head swirling wildly as the beat of my heart pulsed loudly in my head in time with the steps taken towards me.

I was dazed and completely out of control considering my perception of the situation at hand, my reality steadily blurring in the time with what had happened a year ago and leaving me between the fuzzy lines that separated them both...the struggle only resulting in me suddenly regretting not going against my grandfather's order when he'd banned me from murdering one of the people I wanted to the most.

It only left me fighting off the arms that grabbed me, the gruff groan of a man greedily taken in by my ears as I used my fist to punch until I was being pushed up against a wall.

The harsh surface straightened my back and hit my body with a force that made me grit my teeth in my pain, my head knocking back into the wall and leaving me hazy for a few moments whilst I was restrained by strong arms.

"Aria, stop fighting me," a voice groaned when I kicked my legs out, hitting another with a strong force that resonated in my ears. The supressed sound of pain led me to breathe out a sharp breath as I tried to fight my way out of the restrain I was in, but it was harder than I thought when my legs were trapped and I was completely lacking control...the feeling leaving me to cry in frustration as the hated emotion of being perceived as weak crept up on me whilst I pictured blood on my hands once again.