Belladonna Rose: An Emo Explanation.

Somedays I feel mentally sick

If you were to see me in a state of stillness you'd think I fall over physically like I'm in a state of dehydration. When I say "state of stillness" it means seeing me unable to perform what is in front of me. In these cases, it's mental detachment. Like I feel like I'm not actually there. I feel like I'm dreaming. If it feels like it's gone on for too long then I start to physically shake and cry because I feel like I'm very confused with things that are happening around me. On the days that its bad, I have a panic attack that will last for two to three hours. In the first hour I feel it and then try not feel like that, but I fail most of the time and will have a panic attack. It's very hard for me to speak during them so I don't do it or I'll feel like I have to scream. It often times feels like I'm in a different place during one of these events. Other times it's because I'm scared or am in a depressive episode. In thoughts, I feel like there is no escape from the demons, like I'm going to drown. I'm not okay nor am I sure that I'm even going to be okay with anything. All of my problems make me feel like i'm sick. I think I'm sick and often times I get like this. I bit my lip and breath a little louder than usual. In the quite of the dark, all my thoughts will fall apart only for me to start to think to much again, over and over until they win. It tired me and makes me sad to think of all the nights I've had when I shut tightly then shut down. I wake up crying when nightmares get too bad. Some nights I'm scared to sleep even though I'm tired as lazy and wait till I dose off to fall asleep.  My head hurts and I've never been so confused about stuff today in my life. Until the next thing I share! Bye!