Healers

5 | 4'o clock

"The sun suffocates me

And the world strips me naked

I can't help it, there's no other way

I collect myself that's shattered beneath the moonlight." - V & RM

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Before I open the door, I stop to a halt with my face inches away from the wooden door. I look back to the dark empty hallway like I'm expecting someone to be there. But the house itself seems like it's still asleep, along with its residents.

All the signs these past few days have led to the same decision I make every year to go by myself. Even though around this time, my father would take a few days off work, I see him even less often than when he does go to work. Sometimes I would have to knock on his door several times in a day just to remind him to eat.

I'd come back from school and softly open the door to Gran's room to find her sound asleep, the curtains drawn, even though it would be the sunniest and brightest day of the week. She is the light in my life, yet still becomes a shadow whenever this time of year would come round.

The house becomes lonely despite everyone being home.

Where everybody is reminded of Aiden. Where everything I see is him. Even as I look up at the stars now, I think of him. And I think how great it would be if he could see the stars with me too.

Even if it was for the last time.

I look down at my snug boots before gently closing the door behind me and letting the cold air welcome me, waking me up.

I look up to the navy sky with a few stars still twinkling in the darkness, challenging the sun's golden rays that are beginning to peak through, taking over the night to become day again.

I hop on the bus when it comes with its wheels screeching loudly on the empty road. It's basically deserted with only an old lady in the front, a man in his forties looking like he has early work on a Saturday, and a teen girl with mittens and a bright pink beanie on. I make my to the back of the bus, since I would be waiting till the last stop.

I gaze out the window, with my eyes glazing over every passing tree, people, buildings, until for a long while, it finally descends into a more rural and rustic atmosphere and there are no more big buildings and people to see.

Maybe half an hour passes, then an hour, then an hour becomes two, but the time in my world when I'm thinking of Joon always stays the same.

There's almost like an unspoken rule in my family to never talk about Joon. But not because we want to forget him, but because his name is too painful to hear and the wonderful memories of him are too painful to bare when he is no longer around to create new ones with us.

But today, I let my thoughts go to him.

"Last stop!" The driver's booming voice causes me to come to my senses, and I glance around the now empty bus. I quickly plant my feet on the ground and make my way off the bus after muttering a 'thanks' to the driver.

I blow a puff of fog from my mouth as my eyes scan the deserted cemetery and all the headstones messily placed on the large rectangular piece of land. Among them is where my brother lays.

I tuck my white and numb hands into my pockets and slowly walk through the gates that are covered in cobwebs and dust.

It's a big place. People die everyday. But it's easy for me to find him.