Hopelessly In Love

[9] - Justin And Donuts

I managed to leave early as the snow had magically gone down a ton. Grayson and Madison were still asleep, only Ethan was awake. He didn't say anything to me. He barely even looked at me. I know I'm being stupid, but the pain I went through was drastic. It's been 3 years and I still am learning to get over it.

I drive through the streets, the memory of last night constantly running through my mind. I wish I'd done so many things different, I wish he'd done so many things different.

I wish everything was different.

If I'd never moved, we could be everything and anything; together. And maybe he was right. I mean, yes, I put in the effort to visit every now and again in hopes to catch up. But maybe he needed an extra push.

What am I saying? He's equally to blame. He can't put that on me.

Before I knew it, I was home and unconsciously waltzing around my kitchen. God, my head felt like it was going to explode. The air felt heavy. My shoulders couldn't withhold the weight of my worries, my thoughts, my burdens.

I heard a ding from my phone. I clung to the feeling that it would be Ethan. He'd be apologising for how he acted, how forceful he came onto me after treating me the way he did. Maybe it would clear my mind a bit. A simple sorry is all it would take for me to go back to him.

Yes. I know that's pathetic. And trust me, I feel pathetic. I feel hopeless. I'm hopelessly in love with a guy who's treated me like a nothing, when I've always seen him as my everything.

But it was just Justin.

Justin:
hey, how'd it all go?
if you're home, i can come by and drop off some donuts? ;)

-
I smiled profusely at his words. How'd he always know what to do and say when I'm down? We went to get donuts the first time we went on a "date" and we had the best time of our lives. We joke about it to this day. And from that day on, whenever either of us were down, we'd surprise each other with a dozen donuts.

elena:
make sure you get the strawberry glazed!

***

"And then when I left this morning, he totally ignored me and let me leave without saying anything," I expressed in frustration as my head laid in his lap.

I heard Justin groan in disappointment. He took his hand out from playing with my hair to holding my hand in his, "Elena, you don't need this guy. Let's be real, he's expired all his chances. Fuck him off!"

I chuckled lowly at his expression. He was completely right.

Do I still love him or am I in love with the feeling of loving and being loved? Laying here with Justin has made me forget completely the pain I was feeling before. The Ethan sized hole in my heart was quickly filled by Justin and donuts.

Maybe that's all I'll ever need.

I sat up and wrapped my arms around his neck, to which he stiffened but quickly melted into the embrace. I inhaled his aftershave, a smell I've become all too familiar with after these years. Sure, it wasn't the exact same as when I was with Ethan. And I know this "relationship" is all for show. But maybe with time...

"Thank you for everything," I whispered into the crook of his neck. I kept my arms in place. I didn't want to let go.

"You don't need to thank me for telling you your worth," he rumbled a laughter which shook us both, "I'll remind you every day of your life if I have to. You have no idea the perfection you deserve."