Brian Saves the World, Maybe

Chapter 31 - The Spy

Brian was at a loss for words, staring at Ralph with his mouth open.

Dale scowled, still holding him by the neck. "What were you doing in the bushes?"

"Let go. Let go, man!" Ralph shouted, shaking himself free of Dale's grasp. "It was a misunderstanding!" he added, backing away.

"What misunderstanding?" Dale said angrily. "Seems pretty clear to me. You were spying on us."

"No, man! Err—yeah, guess I was. But you guys mentioned something about the Resistance, and an inside man, and then some strange  stuff I didn't recognize."

"What are you talking about?" Dale snapped.

"Earlier today," Ralph said. "I heard it."

Dale's eyes narrowed. "So this isn't the first time you spied on us."

"Yes! I mean, no! I mean—it wasn't on purpose!"

"Not on purpose? What's that supposed to mean? How do you spy on someone by accident?"

"Boss, you didn't hang up the call!" Ralph said, looking at Brian.

Brian froze for a moment. The TalonTalk call—caw—whatever! He must have put the phone in his pocket without hanging up properly. That stupid app!

It wasn't completely your fault, Brian.

Thanks.

Specifically, I would estimate that you are merely 40% at fault.

Got it, TV. Understood. Thanks.

You are welcome.

Ralph and Dale were both looking at Brian. Apparently, he was supposed to say something, now.

Brian coughed awkwardly. "Ralph, why didn't you hang up the call?"

Ralph shrugged. "At first, I just thought it was funny. I was hoping maybe you'd go to the restroom or something embarrassing like that. Was really gonna let you have it, later," he added, shifting his gaze between Brian and Dale nervously. "Look, I was just coming here to cosplay with you guys!"

"Now what are you talking about!" Dale yelled.

"You specifically mentioned cosplaying!" Ralph said, pointing at Dale, "And with the other stuff you guys were talking about, it all seemed to fit."

Dale slowly shook his head. "Tell me, Ralph," he said in a low, menacing voice, "What is it you think you saw out here tonight?"

"You disappeared!" Ralph said, pointing at Dale again.

Dale forced a laugh. "How much have you had to drink tonight, Ralph?"

"Just a Red Bull. I always drink one before a cosplay."

Brian motioned to Dale that he wanted to talk in private.

Dale nodded. "Stay there!" he snapped at Ralph over his shoulder.

They stepped out of earshot but remained close enough to keep an eye on Ralph.

"I think we have to bring him in," Brian said.

Dale nodded, solemnly. "I have ways of making sure he keeps his mouth shut."

Brian grimaced. "That's not what I meant!" He noticed Ralph eyeing them nervously, and added more softly, "I mean we have to tell him the truth."

Dale scowled. "Are you crazy? That little rat will be all over social media talking about what he saw."

"Not necessarily, and even if he did, who would believe him, except maybe some of his cosplay pals? Besides, he owes me one, and if we can get him on board, he just might prove useful."

"Psssh. Whatever," Dale said, still scowling.

* * *

"So, what do you think?" Brian said, trying to read Ralph's face.

The three were sitting in Brian's living room. Dale had wanted to take Ralph to his barn to engage in intimidation tactics, but Brian had insisted on his place. He had only planned to tell Ralph part of the truth, but in the end, he wound up telling him just about everything. Ralph had been asking him tough questions, and Brian realized his story just didn't make any sense without all the pertinent details.

Ralph seemed to let things settle in his mind for a few seconds before answering. "I think this is... awesome!"

Brian scratched his head. "Which part? The fact that aliens have spies all over the world, or that Earth is in danger of a nuclear apocalypse?"

"The whole thing. It's like a big roleplay event—in real life!"

"This isn't all fun and games!" Dale snarled, slamming his fist down on Brian's coffee table."

Ralph looked at him in surprise. "Whoa! Chill, man."

Brian shook his head. "Ralph, the most important question is, can we trust you to keep this whole thing under wraps?"

Ralph looked at Brian, and then Dale. "Sure thing," he said, nodding.

Brian nodded in return. "Okay, that's good to hear, Ralph. Do you have any other questions?"

"Just one," Ralph said, eagerly. "What are we called?"

Brian frowned. "Huh?"

"Our team! We hafta have a name!"

"We really don't."

"It's not the worst idea," Dale said, thoughtfully.

"You, too?" Brian said, agitated.

"Nah, U2 is a rock band," Dale said, giving a dismissive gesture. It needs to be original."

Brian put his head in his hands, groaning.

"We are trying to stop the Observers, right?" Ralph said, pulling out his phone and holding it up to his mouth. "What's the opposite of Observers?"

The phone AI responded, "The opposite of observers is participants."