Narcissus

Chapter Twelve

Gliding through the waters luxurious depths, I felt at one with my universe, strong, immortal. I had always felt so childishly angry at the universe, frustrated at the cards I had been dealt, frustrated at what I saw as an unfair childhood, frustrated at the feeling of constantly being trapped. But right there, right then, I was at peace with the world. For if that hand had not been dealt, I would not have been given the card, the gift, of Elise Elderflower. She was my source of oxygen, my Queen of Hearts, my reason for living when I had wanted to give up so long ago.

But then, I thought, the multitude of emotions I felt for the woman, no matter how one sided, were so utterly overwhelming and complicated they couldn't possibly exist only in this universe. I refused to believe that. What I felt for her surely spanned over more than this lifetime, for it was not possible that the feelings that ran through my very veins existed here and now and not before that, and not after that. I wouldn't settle for less. Her gaze made me feel as if I was dancing in the burning pits of hell, every single tendon in my body screaming as I yearned for her eyes to look at me that way forever, and never glance away, not even for a moment.

My grandfather had told me once, as he sat on his deathbed, to fall in love with someone's eyes, because looks will fade and people will change, but your eyes - your eyes stay the same forever.

Before I could withdraw my mind from it's far places, her arms were around me again. I felt once more the rush of helplessness, the sinking yielding, the surging tide of warmth that left me limp. And the quiet face of Elise Elderflower was blurred and drowned to nothingness.

She bent down, her lips against my cheek, brushing it lightly - and still that light touch sent shivers through my nerves, shivers that made my whole body tremble. "If you want me to stop, tell me now," I whispered. When she still said nothing, I brushed my mouth against the hollow of her temple. "Or now." I traced the line of her cheekbone. "Or now." My lips were against hers.

"Or-"

She bent back my head across her arm and kissed me, softly at first, and then with a swift gradation of intensity that made me cling to her as the only solid thing in a dizzy, swaying world. Her insistent mouth was parting my shaking lips, tasting of wine and weed and canal water, sending wild tremors along my nerves, evoking from me sensations I had never known I was capable of feeling. And before a swimming giddiness spun me round and round, I knew that I was kissing her back.

And then she had reached down and pulled me up to her, and the rest of my words were lost against her mouth. She kissed me gently, carefully; but it wasn't gentleness I wanted, not now, not after all this time, so I pulled her harder against me. She groaned softly, low in her throat, the vocal equivalent of honey, mixed with whiskey and a touch of smoke, and then her arms circled me, gathering her against me.

Breath flowed into and through my body giving my arms and legs the power to stay upright as my knees trembled from the sheer force of emotions I was feeling, as I watched the mystical light dancing on the face of the enigmatic woman amid the undulating currents of the blackened water. Time seemed to stand still as my body moved silently and serenely. Joyfully.

I was not alone in this world.

--

After being in the canal, I craved a clean, hot shower, as canals were not reknowned as the cleanest places in the world. It was Ten-Thirty at night, half an hour until curfew, and the showers were empty, save one.

One, single, solitary shower was running.

My heart pounded as I rounded the corner, and I truly began to wonder if she could read my mind, or something, as blonde hair came into view and I quickly diverted my eyes. Of course it was her. Of fucking course.