My Idol or Soulmate?

Chapter XIII -> But what will follow?

Author's announcement,

I wish you all a happy Christmas and all the best for the coming year, may the force be with you all🤪😂,

May 2019 be a year of peace and happiness and love 🙏
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Singto Pov

I regretted skipping the interview and fanmeet that had been held this afternoon. It would have been a great chance to somehow get to see and talk to him. But I had been so stupid to bit buy tickets and since I was stubborn as hell I refused to do anything apart from the things I had planned. But my devotion to planning had seriously backfired and I began to realize I had squandered an opportunity that might not present itself easily again. If I wanted to talk to him them I should invite him either to some activity or to a dinner somewhere. Well what is holding you back? How do I know what he likes most, I mean what if he says no? If so, then you think of a better plan! But I always think of the best plan? How can I select a better plan when the best failed already? Fine, another plan then, though it is not said that what you think is best is really the best! Because I always analyze all pros and cons to select the plan with the highest chance of success. So others can succeed as well but less likely? Ehm yes, so if your first choice fails there are still other ways to do it? Ehm, well, so it seems. But should I invite him to dinner? Isn't that a bit too much in one step? You can't do as if you don't know him, that is impossible, so instead you might try this and I think it might succeed.

So I was to invite him to dinner without a certain outcome. Well uncertain, I had something in me telling that he wouldn't come, just ignore me like I had ignored him and what could I say about it? I had done the same so in a sense I deserved the repayment. Who sells something should be payed and I ain't sure whether Krist think I have been payed enough. So because he might say no you are gonna blow it off? You really are a fool! Fine, I'll do it then.

But saying so and then really doing it is very different. How should I invite him without potentially ensuring he would reject the invitation. How could I ensure that I wasn't just creating an awkward situation that was going to kill me? Oh bother why am I even bothered by this? Just send the damn text already. And like that I did. Afterwards I disabled my phones Notification sounds and went into the shower to calm down a bit. But when I finished and looked on my phone time had past and there was yet no reaction, though he had read it. I sent another message, if he didn't want to he should just say it, weren't you the one afraid of rejection? If I am to be rejected then I want it to be right into my face. Oh really?

But there was another problem how could ever know what Krist liked? I mean we went to a restaurant once but that time the choice of food had been mine to make so I didn't have a good clue to what he might like if he were to accept the invitation. I looked at the clock that hung above my desk, 16:30, I took a book, inserted a CD in my music installation raised the volume to the maximum acceptable level of the my neighbours and jumped into my fauteuil shutting myself off looking at my phone only once, he would let me know if he would come or not in some time. I set the volume of notifications of max and went on reading my book. It was a political research on authoritarianism and economic performance a subject that had my interest. I didn't study public administration for nothing. It wasn't that I wanted to become a politican though, I'd much rather be a civil servant. Those people were the brains behind the politicians anyway. Let the civil servants think and the politicians talk, it would solve a great many problems.

But in my case right now rational thinking wasn't of any help at all all. I needed what I lacked the most, the ability to use my feelings. And though I knew I was bad at it I had never been able to change that, but right now my heart was jumping around in my chest, old worries and new hopes together created a vicious poison that circulated through my system. The only antidote I had would be even worse than the problem itself. I waited for Krist's reply to my request but he maintained radio silence leaving me wondering and worrying whether he would or wouldn't come.