My Idol or Soulmate?

Chapter II - About fanmeetings and crushes

Singto Pov
I might stay calm on the outside in the inside my emotions swirled. Faced with this godlike person my heart thudded in my chest while I had this strange feeling in my belly, I felt awfully weak yet terribly great. These fanmeetings often sent me into periods of great happiness. Only a wink or small acknowledgement from his side that only appeared to be addressed to me could make my day, week and even month instantly. My parents had once joked that these fanmeets of him were the best medicine for me if I'd ever fall sick. Though I'd never admit it to them thwy were right, I was not only his fanboy I also had a horrible crush on him, or maybe that made me a fanboy as well?

I don't know where it came from though. I just had it. I had watched some series in which he participated and somehow it had creeped inside my. These fanmeetings had only worsened the problem but I hadn't done anything to stop it. It gave me a great feeling and was a important source of true happiness for me.

Krist Perawat Sangpotirat was a model and actor in the hetero realm. He never did any BL and when once a person asked him whether he'd do he replied a short and clear: No!. He starred mainly in dramas and magazines. It was through a magazine that his existence once got my attention and soon I was head over heels into this fanboy stuff. I was an exception, most fans were girls and if there were boys it was a rarity deserving special attention.
Tonight they would conduct an interview with him on stage after which he'd sing a song, answer some questions, take some pictures.

Interview
So could you please tell us about your latest series?
It was a fun thing to do, a bit out of the average for me with a funny story but also great co-stars.
You like one?
I think I have made some new friends during this project,
Are you still going in without an agency?
Yes, I am handling my own affairs which has gone fine despite the pressure. Though J have some staff I manage my own career.
And that career is still without your mate?
That is private, you know I won't talk about that?
Now why is it you don't? Is it too sensitive?
As said I manage my own affairs and judging from the offers I get that doesn't really impair my career.
If you had to offer an advice to people who see you as their example what would it be?
Be true towards your feelings, don't shut them out but instead embrace them, let them flow and become one with them.
Is that your secret?
A good or bad actor is made by his passion and the emotions he puts into his job.
So you love some freedom on set in how you show that?
That sure produces the best results.
I see, now something else, still not having a mate?(winks)
That is a private affair,
But you aren't marked yet,
That doesn't mean I haven't found my mate!
Ah so you found her?
Who says so?

End of the interview

The thought that he had maybe found his mate gave a painful pang in my heart. I didn't really understand why, maybe I had some subconscious hopes he would be my mate. The rest of the fanmeeting went on like usual, he was great the whole time and sang this sad song that yet reverberated in my heart,

Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me
Tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Don't patronize me

'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight