THE UNLOVED HUSBAND

CHAPTER FORTY - SEVEN: THROWN GUIDANCE

If I am a reader of my story, I would hate me. But can you blame me? This is my weakness. I care too much. I want them safe.

I did something uncalled for this day.

I bought a ticket for The Handsome Seven Concert and Fan Meeting.

I just need to hear it directly from them what's happening.

Why are they still with Big Hit?

Why aren't they quiting when four years have lapsed?

As much as we want to accuse their boss of the kit, none was traceable in it. The deformity of the drug was well – handled, that it cannot be traced by the naked eye.

I slowly went upstairs to my son's room. There, I saw Isaac humming a tune to a sleeping Ibrahim. He felt my presence but did not say anything. So I just opted to go back to my room and sleep.

When I woke up, my husband wasn't with me. Instead a note was on the side.

"You'd rather go to a concert than be an honest wife. Fine, Ibrahim and I will give you that. Enjoy!"

I panic and got my phone on the table and dialed my husband's number.

"The subscriber cannot be reached," the operator said.

I ran towards Ibrahim's room but my son too was gone.

Tears were already on my face. I called my in – laws but Isaac wasn't there.

I felt the sense of fear inside me.

What if they never come back to me?

No Fatima, he may be just teaching you a lesson but he would not leave you.

I found myself sitting on my son's bed and rethinking my decision.

Handsome Seven concert is an hour flight away from me.

Maybe I should go and find the answers I needed. So that if they do decide to stay on the haram, it won't bother me anymore.

I just need to know they aren't forced. That's all.

As I go about my morning routine, I am reminded of my son playing around at this time and how Isaac would try to feed him.

Tears well up in my eyes. I got my phone and composed a text for him.

"I am sorry. I will be home by 9pm. See you then. I love you. Please forgive me. I just need to do this," I said in the text and hit send.

In an hour and a half, I arrived safely at the capital city. I rented a car and drove towards the Concert Arena and lined myself in the extremely long line.

I made it and witnessed their concert. I was at the VIP seat. They could see me from here. The songs they perform were all very familiar to me.

As they sang I Need You Girl, every one of them looked at me while singing their part. I smiled at them and waved my lightstick but instead they seemed angry and worried.

What really happened? I mouthed to them.

Then after the concert, I was one of the few granted passes backstage. When it was my turn, RM and the rest just gave me a cold look.

"Why are you here Fatima?" Suga asked.

"Why are you still at this music industry?" I asked them.

Jhope smirked.

"Coz we like it here," he said.

"But I think Islam matters more to you, to all of you," I said and went near Jungkook.

He was the youngest, he would be easy to make understand.

"It does. We still pray. But we can't quit. We .... We..... we" he was trying to answer.

"Coz we love the fame Fatima. Simple and plain as that. That's the reason. That's the main reason. Call us hypocrites, call us fame whores, whatever name you want to call us. We can't leave, we love the fame," RM said, making my heart slowly shatter into pieces.

"The question though Fatima is why are you here? Does your husband know? Was it worth it attending our concert and leaving your father and child behind?" Jin asked.

My heart beat loudly. Panic and anxiety filled my entire being.

"I think she knows the consequences of attending our concert. But still, she risk it all. That could only mean, she misses us or she is one of our fans," Jimin said, laughing and the rest sneered.

"But I thought you wanted to leave for the fear of Allah.." I spoke.

But all I got was their look of denial and disinterest. Wow, guidance from Allah has been thrown right out of the window.

"Time is up," the manager said who was outside the dressing room.

I moved backwards.

I realized something.

I realized many many things.

They aren't the person I met four years ago.

The fame drowned them.

The devil had them deceived.

I have deceived myself into thinking I could get through them that I could change them.

I couldn't. I couldn't.

I hurriedly left and dashed outside, drove my car and book the next flight home.

As I sat and wait for my flight, I silently was having a conversation with Allah.

Oh ya Allah, when you said that, "Leave that which does not concern you," I should have listened. I should have listened.

But I didn't.

Now that I think about it, whether or not the seven leave the music industry, it's none of my business.

The time for my flight came and I went inside the airplane with the renewed determination to make it up to my husband and baby boy.

Astaghfirullah al – azim. Astaghfirullah al – azim. Astaghfirullah al – azim.

I arrived 10:30 at home and there was no one. My son was not around and so was my husband. I got my phone and dial. Anger was building inside of me.

It was ringing and he wasn't answering. Has it really come to this? I can't believei it.

I texted him but before I could even composed a message, he messaged me.

"I think you are unfit to be his mother and to be my wife. You do not love us. You still carried on at the concert instead of looking for us. Goodbye Fatima."

I was crying like I never did cry before. He could now go on without me since he has a son. My son.

Why ya Allah? Why?

Is this the consequences of my sins? The expiation? Am I to endure losing my family just because I disobeyed my husband? Yes. Yes. Yes.

My knees weakened and I fell down crying.

His love for me has changed because I cannot find it in me to change.

I hate myself.

I really really hate myself.

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"That Day shall you be brought to Judgement, not a secret of you will be hidden."

- Qur'an 69:18

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P.S  I have nothing against BTS, Big Hit and the ARMYs. If you're a Muslim ARMY, I suggest you check out the works of @SheNeedsToWrite. In shaa Allah.