Pure At Heart

Pure At Heart (23) Is it going to rain soon?

“Get away!” I shouted. He smirked.

“Why? You’re so charming”, he tried stroking my cheek but I slapped it away.

“Not a touch. Get away!” I spoke with a firm tone. He laughed mischievously.

“Today you will be mine. I won’t leave you for Zayd anymore. I will ruin your life and your so called ‘modesty”, he said. This time, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards the living room.

“No! Let go, stop!” I shouted. But of course, that wasn’t working. There was no one in the house.

“Joshua let go! Get away from me!” I pushed him. He tried pulling my hijab off but I didn’t let him. I fought for my modesty. I wasn’t going to let him do what he was trying to do. I will not lose my modesty. I will not sell my religion no matter what happened.

“Let go!” I slapped him on his face. That didn’t stop him. He still kept trying to pull my hijab off. When nothing seemed to work, I started reading an ayah from Surah Al-Rehman out loud.

Fabi ayyi Alaa rabbikuma tukazzibaan -

 “And which of your Lord’s favors will you deny?”

I had hardly recited it for 5 minutes when there was a loud knock on the door. Joshua suddenly let go of me. He squeezed my face with his hands and whispered in my ear. “I will be back”, he said and left. He used the back door to get out of the house. I fixed my hijab and my face, since my lip gloss had spread on my face.

I opened the door and saw Zayd’s dad and Zaynah’s husband. Behind them was Zayd’s mom on a stretcher. And behind her were Zayd and Zaynah. The paramedics carried the stretcher to Zayd’s parents’ room. I walked behind them. They put Zayd’s mother down on the bed and left. Everyone was sitting beside her. Zayd’s mom opened her eyes and immediately her gaze landed on me.

“Why is she still here? Tell her to leave”, she said. Her voice was weak and she could barely speak, but she was still pouring out her ‘sweetness.’

“Zayd, I’m telling you. If you want me to be happy and healthy again, you have to divorce her and kick her out. Do it for my sake”, she told Zayd. I stared at Zayd. He didn’t say anything. After a few seconds he nodded and walked outside, gesturing me to follow him. I did as he said. He took me to the backyard and turned around to face me. He stared deep in my eyes.

“Hamna”, he began. I was scared about what he was going to say. Was he really about to divorce me? Was he really going to leave me in a split second?

“You have to go”, he continued with a weak voice. I stared at him in disbelief.

“My mom’s condition is very severe. Doctors say there is no chance she will be able to survive through all the chemotherapies. I don’t want her to leave this world thinking about how her son gave his wife the priority he should’ve given his mother. I think it’s better for all of us if you just leave. You’ll be in peace, I’ll be in peace and most importantly, my mom will be in peace. Everything will be ok. And let’s be real here, no one will let you live in peace as long as you live here”, he finished. By the time he finished, my eyes had filled with tears. I couldn’t believe Zayd, the one who loved me the most and the one I loved the most wanted me to leave? I didn’t say anything. But the tears now falling on my cheeks were enough I guess.

“But I still know you’re innocent. You didn’t do anything. I still love you the same. To me you’re perfect and I wish I didn’t have to do all this. I’m really sorry Hamna”, he looked down.

“So… we’re done? This is it?” a weak and teary voice escaped my lips. He looked up at me.

“No! Not at all. I’m not going to divorce you, not in a million years. You will always be Mrs. Zayd Siddiqui. But for now, you have to go. Trust me this distance is only temporary. Once my mom’s health is a little better, I will buy us a small apartment and we’ll live there. Away from all the chaos. This is probably only for a month or two. I will call you and we’ll move in our home. I promise this is temporary”, he assured me. But then that’s when the panic attack started. I grabbed his hands and pleaded.