Exception

December

12.13
I cried this morning. I talked to my brother, the moon. He wasn't out, so I talked with my star. I talked about things that I can't trust very many people with. I also saw a small white kitten. It looked like a bunny at first. It disappeared under a car before I could get close to it.

I accidentally cried in front of my friend. Now I feel bad that I did. She saw me at one of my weakest points. I just want to hide now.

12.14
I was able to get X's number, so now I can further the plan.

I got frustrated at one of my other friends because she thinks that a song needs lyrics. I made one that didn't have lyrics. I call it "The 8-Bit Journey" and it was inspired by Megalovania. It may only be 47 seconds long, but it's amazing.

12.17
I gave my friend and X their Christmas presents. They are my friends and I like seeing them smile. It makes me feel like I'm not completely broken. I also ate a lot of food at our mini class party.

During media, the teacher played our music video projects to the class. The first two were really funny and cringey at the same time. Until, my group's came on. It was one of the only projects I was confident and happy with.

But once it ended, everything was terrible. I didn't know that it NEEDED lyrics and that everyone NEEDED to be in the video. One of my group mates gave me the "I knew it" stare. I blame myself for doing it, for being confident in something I was part of.

I feel like I messed up

12.20
Today has been a lot better. Or kind of. When I woke up, I saw that one of my favorite groups is now getting justice that they deserve. Another group I like just had a comeback.

I also had to go on this clean card thing where I had to go hike and things. I didn't like it much. I had to walk and go outside. I walked down the hike area with X because all my other friends left me.

All in all, it was a better day than the rest.

12.22
Winter break had officially started so now I don't see idiots for the next two weeks. I'm thinking of finishing my plan on Christmas, because that makes sense.

I've realized that X will probably never like me back. I'm gonna push down those feelings and just be friends. He probably likes someone else anyway, so I don't see the point in trying.

I saw a new Marvel movie. It was great and it has topped my list of now favorite movies. The art style was incredible and it was so fun to watch. I recommend it to anyone.

12.25
It's Christmas. I woke up at three in the morning and I was gonna go back to sleep. Until I heard the loudest cat outside meowing. I flinched when I first heard it. It sounded like it was right next to me.

At that point I gave up on sleep, so I just stared at my ceiling. Sometimes I would check my phone for the time or something. Other than that, I just stayed in the deepest parts of my mind.

When everyone was awake, my family opened presents. My sister accidentally opened some of mine. I got a guitar, I can start learning now. I just decided to teach myself through just mistakes and things.

I tried playing with my dominant hand, left. Sadly, it hurt my fingers to fret well. I switched hands, and it was easier. Being ambidextrous has its perks I guess.

12.28
My grandmother is coming today. I'm not too excited. I'm scared that if I make a mistake then she's gonna get mad at my mum and me. An emotional mistake, one where if I don't smile then something is wrong. Even though I don't smile that often, I still have fun. I don't show my emotions very well.

12.30
I was outside all day. I didn't like it much, especially because I was on boats and things. I don't like boats, even if it's not moving, I still get dizzy. My dad thought I was faking so we could leave, but I know I wasn't. My head felt like it was going in circles and I couldn't walk in a straight line.

My dad keeps talking about my "attitude" or something. I don't have one, I just have a really emotionless voice. I don't usually show my emotions because I tell myself that I'm weak for it. I nearly cried too, in front of my dad. I felt so helpless and weak.

But isn't it okay to cry?

12.31
It's New Year's Eve and my family drove around the little island we live on. We went to the beaches and things. I got sand all over my feet. At one of the beaches I found a piece of paper with Japanese writing on it. I might have my friend translate it to me.

My plan to help Jay didn't work. It was supposed to be where I put us all in a group chat and just have conversations like that. It didn't work out very well.