Political Science 101

Chapter Sixty-One

SEX ALWAYS changes a relationship. When two people are "dating" and they haven't had sex, there remains an unspoken frontier between the two, filled with mystery and anticipation and wonder. Even when the different levels of physical intimacy are explored, sex remains the ultimate and final aspect up to which it all leads. But if this frontier is breached too soon, the excitement and mystery of a relationship can flare-up and fizzle-out too quickly. Inversely, if a relationship takes too long to venture into that particular arena, it can lead to frustration, tension, and even conflict. It is — like love itself — a delicate balance of emotional and physical intimacy; but once sex has occurred in a relationship, there's no going back.

As far as Mitch was concerned, the next woman with whom he made love would be the woman he called his wife. Or, at least, that was his thought an hour ago. An hour ago, he was sitting, happy and content, with Ana snuggled tightly in his arms as they watched TV on Mitch's couch.

Now, he was nestled in his bed with Ana snuggled naked against him; he felt conflicted, he felt confused. An hour ago, everything in his relationship with Ana was right where he wanted it to be — close, casual, and comfortable. Now, everything in his relationship with Ana was far bro being where it had been. Now it was confusing, confounded, and complicated.

An hour ago, everything was different.

An hour ago, they had not yet had sex.

Mitch fought through the silence to get his fleeting thoughts into some semblance of order. He felt painfully conflicted about the amazing sex he'd just had with the woman he truly loved, coupled with the regret for violating one of the most vital attributes of his own character. This was something to which he vitally wanted to remain eminently faithful.

As he held the beautiful bare skin of the woman next to him, both sweating, both out of breath, Mitch was trying to figure out if he genuinely regretted what they'd just done.

He just ... he didn't know.

"I love you," Ana whispered with blissful certainty.

"I love you too," Mitch replied with veiled discomfort.

He loved the feel of her body against his, but hated how he felt in his mind and his heart. He was frustrated with himself. Where were these feelings of moral rationality an hour ago? Why was he — only now — thinking clearly about his personal beliefs about which he felt so strongly? He simply could not fight the inclination that he'd utterly betrayed ... himself.

It was as though he was two different people, and one had just done something to blatantly offend the other. And now, the two were in the minds of a bitter conflict, both filled with resentment and umbrage.

But he would not let it show. He kept his discontent buried deep beneath a false (but intimate) smile as he slowly rubbed his thumb across Ana's shoulder. When the intimacy began, he could see in her eyes that she was fully emotionally invested in him — and them. Perhaps Mitch simply didn't have it within himself to tell her No after seeing how much she seemed to be in love with him, willing to risk his own personal silent pain to make her happy. And although he did not blame her for what had just transpired, he still knew that, from now on, things would never be the same.

It started so gently, so calmly, as Ana had casually leaned over to Mitch on the couch and began kissing him. But it accelerated so quickly. Her kisses intensified as she began to breath heavier and heavier, cradling his face in her hand. And then, she stopped, pulling back for a moment, still gently holding his face, staring into his eyes with a blissful gaze of passion.

"You are everything to me," she said in a seemingly-exhausted whisper. "I love you."

"I love you too," Mitch replied in a breathless whisper, barely finishing his sentence before Ana rapidly drew herself close to him again, meeting his lips with hers. Mitch could feel her breathing on his cheeks as they kissed; she let out occasional gentle (and barely audible) moans as she kissed him. And when she gently stood up, pulling him from to his feet and slowly leading him to his bedroom, she continued to kiss him while unbuttoning his shirt, then unlacing his belt.

It was at that moment when Mitch knew exactly what was about to happen. It was also at that moment when Mitch knew he had a choice: He could either stop things before they went too far, or allow things to progress.

He chose the latter.