Death's Daughter (Black Butler)

Chapter Twenty: Aftermath

I curled my knees up to my chest, staring out of the window beside me. It had been a week since Ronald and I had completed our training, and I was more than willing to return home to Eric and Alan. They had decided that they could share a room so that I could have one to myself. I told them multiple times that I was okay with sleeping on the couch until I could get my own apartment, but they insisted that I needed my own privacy. But really, that wasn't the case.

I spent most of my days holed up in my room, lamenting what I did. I loathed myself for reaping Lillian's soul, I simply was unable to forgive myself. I hated myself for just standing there and doing absolutely nothing with the last bit of life faded from her eyes. I could still remember the exact look that she gave me, all of the heartbreak and betrayal she felt. It broke my heart to just see her like that, and I detested myself for being the one who caused every single bit of that.

There was a knock at the door. I tugged at the edges of the sweater I wore, a hand-me-down from Remi. I furrowed my eyebrows together as I eyed the door, cautiously about answering. It was undoubtedly Eric or Alan, unless by chance one of the Knoxes had shown up to pay me a visit. I hadn't seen Ronald since I left our apartment. Part of me was dying to see him again while the other was revolted by the very thought of him. I pursed my lips together, telling myself to get a grip. It was just someone at the door, nothing more than that. Besides, it was bad for my health to keep myself secluded like I did. I needed to stop that, and this was my first step. "Come in," I announced.

The doorknob turned slowly and the door pushed forward, revealing Alan in the doorway. He walked in steadily, careful not to spill the two steaming teacups he balanced in his hands. Once in my room, he reached out handed one to me, which I accepted with a nod. I took a sip of the tea, which was oversweetened with honey and sugar, exactly how I liked it. As I drank more of the tea, I watched Alan as he sat down in the chair at my desk, which sat opposite of my bed. He let out a sigh as he adjusted himself in the seat, sitting the teacup down on the desk. "So," he started, shifting in his chair.

I cocked my head to the side slightly, eyeing him suspiciously. I glanced over at the doorway and back to Alan as I sipped more tea, the flavor flowing through my mouth. "So?" I asked in response, raising an eyebrow.

Alan folded his hands together in his lap, pursing his lips together and glancing down at the floor. He looked back up at me, staring right at me as he bit my lip. His lips gave off a compassionate smile, but I could see all the hurt and worry in his eyes. He took a deep breath, his head shooting down and looking at his hands as he fiddled his thumbs. "How are you?" He blurted out, leaning in as he watched me curiously.

"I'm fine," I lied, running a hand through my hair as I let out a sigh.

Alan's eyes widened slightly as he leaned back into the chair.He furrowed his eyebrows together, looking me up and down. "A-Are you sure? You haven't come out of your room all day, a-and the only time Eric and I really ever see you is when you come out for food and the bathroom, which is rarely ever as it is. Are you really okay, Bri," he paused slightly, "or are you just saying that because that's what you think I want to hear from you?"

I looked over at Alan for a few seconds before ducking my head down, staring into my nearly-empty teacup. I lifted it up, taking my last drink of it as I avoided eye contact with Alan for as long as I could. I reached over and sat my empty cup down on the nightstand next to my bed, shifting my place. I bit my lip, shrugging my shoulders. "I don't know, I guess I'm just really not ready to face the world yet, including you and Eric. I... I'm still a bit upset about Lillian."

Alan shook his head, his eyes fluttering closed as he leaned back a bit further. "That's not really an answer, Brielle," he stated with a slight sigh. I felt my body tense up, I knew he was loosing his patience - and fast - if he was using my real name.