AIM

10

the feeling of delicate skin overlapping mine, the softness of the caress that the lips of his gave me, the intricate ways in which my lips were enveloped by his, each tug and press sending an unknown euphoric pleasure through my body. the lips that danced with mine, only did i never except my lips to indulge in the pleasures of a killers kiss.

...

in one quick moment i was shouting all the questions that crammed my thoughts, then the next i was consumed by a foreign feeling.

jimin was kissing me; and i let him.

at first it was this demanding force that his lips were met with mine, i was so shocked i couldn't move for a second, but i felt myself slipping under the touch of his hands that now held a firm grip around my cheeks. one of the hands trailing to my nape, leading the kiss into a more passionate and devouring one.

i was kissing him.

there have been countless moments where i've thought about it, while in bed, while at my angriest or happiest i wanted to feel those lips. just a feel of what promise they held. i wasn't expecting anything close to what was happening at this very moment.

jimins hand started to trail down to the small of my lower back, bringing me closer, our bodies colliding, needy for more. i found my hands having a mind of their own, their own desires, as they moved to snake their way up onto his shoulders.

while my hands lay rest upon his hard chest my palm came into contact with a small fragment of something sharp sticking out of jimins t-shirt.

it's when i realised that just moments before this he'd smashed a glads only a few feet away from me, the glass remnants still in my hair. not long just before that he was telling his bestfriend how i was nothing. what was i doing?

the kiss halted to a quick stop, my hands pushing away, walking to sit down on the bedside, considering all the things i'd forgotten before letting him kiss me.

i could sense jimin was confused, but he didn't come any closer, still standing there his arms hanging by his side as he was panting.

"y/n did i do something wrong?"

i finally looked up at him, after hanging my head in disappointment, his face was flushed, his lips a pink shade.

"why did you say that to taehyung? why did you kiss me? why everything jimin?" leaving the majority of my unanswered questions lingering into the air i let him stand there while i waited for my answers.

his sigh was almost inaudible as he came sitting next to me on the edge of his bed.

"i said those things to taehyung to get him off my back. he wouldn't stop nagging me about liking you, he wouldn't agree"

'agree?' am i not good enough? pff please i get they're besties and all but what ever happened to being happy for your friends? support what they want?

"i kissed you," he carried on breaking me out of my bestfriend bashing,

"because i have feelings for you"

Excuse me. What?

he has feelings? moreover. he has feelings for me?

what the fuck. what do i do. what do i say. i cant possibly lie and say that i don't feel the same but at the end of the day i don't know what i feel anymore, jimin is always throwing me into a whirlwind of emotions. my heart doesn't know what to do about him.

"please say something... you've been quiet for ages"

my eyes met his, he looked genuinely curious, worried almost, was he actually serious?

"jimin. i don't know how i feel. i'm still, still not used to all this, to you-"

"but you DO feel something, you can't kiss me back like that, wake up with me in the mornings, whisper my name in your dreams and not have any feelings for me at all y/n. i don't believe that"

his tone was angry now, he was frustrated, i know i was denying some truth, i did like jimin. a lot. it wasn't just about him though. everything else that followed him. 'the kims' the blood on his hands, this place, every crime. it was more than just feelings. it was a life style. one i didn't know i could just dive into for him.

"i don't know jimin! plus i've never said your name in my dreams, believe what you want but i'm not sure-" his lips abruptly met mine in a harsh claiming kiss. the way he pulled my lips between his, trying to prove or provoke a reaction, a feeling out of me. but it wasn't going to work.

"jm-n jimin!" finally pulling my lips that were being raveshed by his own, i stood up soon to be followed by him too. he was shadowing my every move, not letting there be enough distance between us where i couldn't feel his breath on my skin.

"stop fighting it! i know you feel it too" the last sentence was a growl, i don't know what had come over him, he was acting strange, more abnormal than he usually is. this time he pulled me in once again, i immediately tried to reject the kiss but he held me there, all the feelings that i'd had in the first kiss disappeared, this was uncomfortable, forced. i hated him on me this way.

"s-stop, ji- JIMIN STOP!" with my begging cry his actions seized, he stared at me for a split second the hunger still laced in his eyes, but then in an instant, the soft boy, the eyes of the boy that would greet me in the morning with a smile was back, he looked guilty, saddened.

behind me i heard the door fire open, in an urgency, someone must have heard my shout. i felt embarrassed, for myself, and for him.
i couldn't bare to look at him anymore, my feelings more messed up than ever. turning to leave i passed namjoon, now realising he was the one to enter at my rescue.

yet i didn't need rescuing; i was already damaged.

...

i didn't know where to go, once again. i regret relying on jimin so much, but who was i to know that he'd turn into this. this person who i'd grown a connection with on blurred grounds. i didn't know where i stood with him, and i definitely didn't now.

in a sense of panic i found myself in namjoons room. as he was the last person i saw leaving jimins room, i guessed my mind went on autopilot. i entered the room sitting silently on his desk chair, hoping he'd return quickly.

then soon enough he did.

"y/n what just happened in there?" his voice hinted at the slightest bit of worry but his voice was flat. so close to unbothered i couldn't tell if he actually cared or not.

"it doesn't matter. i don't want to talk about it"

it did matter. i just didn't know how to explain. especially to namjoon. damn i should have went to hoseok.

after a few moments of deliberating, namjoon nodded and seated himself on his bed, still with his eyes on me.

"so what are you doing in here then?" good question.

fuck this is so awkward. why didn't you go to hoseoks you idiot!

"this is really weird but um. is it possibly ok if i um. stayed with you tonight?"

i stuttered over my words more than i actually spoke. namjoon made me feel so nervous. ever since the first day i met him. his cool collected persona always sending chills down my body. i had no idea why i'd occasionally see a hint of another layer of his personality, that there might be something else under all this hard exterior.

he smiled, oddly again. always surprising me.

"of course. do you need some clothes?"

damn i'm gunna have something from all their collections at this point. can they like splash some cash on a new wardrobe for me or do they expect me to forever wear their clothes?

nodding awkwardly he handed me some things to sleep in, thanking him for the clothes and for letting me crash with him. this was going to be; fun.

...