Terrestrial Alien ✔

Chapter 46: Our Past... Our Future

My thoughts are still spinning faster than I can keep up, and the one thing I keep getting caught on is... there are more creatures like me. They're out there. Their existence is like a string tied to my heart: I've just noticed it, and now that I have, I recognise what all this tugging has been about all these years. Now that I know what the cause is, I want to follow it. To find my place in the world.

Not just my original place in life, my place with Joshua, which is one I never want to let go of. No, also my place as... myself. An individual. An alien.

"Hypothetically..." I begin slowly, moving to rest my cheek on my forearm. "If we were to somehow sneak to the library to use a computer... I know where I found the map—where I could look for a better one... And you could find the other information... If we print copies and no one notices us, do you think we could pull it off?"

Joshua looks down at me, his eyebrows slowly raising.

"Hypothetically..." He says, visibly weighing the pros and cons in his mind. He seems mildly surprised when he concludes, "It could work."

Just the thought of it, regardless of whether we actually try it, fills me with an immense relief. At the same time, I feel a giddy sort of excitement, because... we could actually do this. I can't stop the smile his answer draws onto my face, and I try to hide it against my arms.

Joshua still seems to catch excitement on my face, because he's giving me a deeply considering look.

"Sundo..." He begins carefully. "Don't get too eager... I don't know if we can actually pull this off. If we do try it. Which I don't know if we should."

"I know, I know." I say, sitting up and scooting in my chair. Logically I know he's right, but... I still can't help but smile down at my oatmeal.

Joshua is still eyeing me skeptically, so I admit with a one-shouldered shrug, "I just like the idea of it."

I return to shoveling cold maple-cinnamon mush into my mouth, and when I look up, I see Joshua is still watching me. He's got this silly look on his face though... Something like... endearment. He's smiling, a small, private smile, and when he realises I've caught him, his sweet expression is overcome by a deep flush. His gaze immediately falls to his own bowl, and he snatches up his spoon again.

"Okay." He replies, his face red.

He bites his lip, and after a moment, he adds softly, "Me too, honestly."

He glances up at me, his brows drawn, as if maybe he's done something wrong, though I can't imagine what.

My smile returns warmer than before, because... Gosh, I love him.

* * *

Joshua

It's my third night in this house, and I don't know if I'm growing more comfortable or less comfortable here. Maybe I'm growing more uncomfortable for a different reason now: I feel less trapped and out of place and more awkward and self-conscious, suddenly unsure of what to do with myself in the presence of this alien who is far, far too good for me. He's far too good for his own good, let alone mine.

I can hardly finish our choice dinner without making a fool of myself, and by the time I've got my bowl in the sink, I'm ready to bolt. But there's nowhere to hide from Sundo really; we're the only two people in the little house. Not to mention, we kind of share a bed.

Sleeping in a bed with Sundo still feels weird.

It feels weird in the way that it feels like it should be normal, and by that I mean it feels weird in the fact that it still doesn't feel normal. It's confusing. Heck, everything is confusing. At this point though, I've stopped trying to make sense of everything that confuses me, because if I didn't, I'd be a very miserable person.