Friends with Benefits [m.c.]

Break Up

Alyssa's POV

"What?!" I cry out. "You're joking, right?"

James shakes his head at me. "I can't say I am, love. This is going to be so difficult, with me going to America--"

"Babe, we've been together for four years!" I interrupt, beginning to feel the tears that are threatening to spill over. "We've made it through so much! You can't just give that up."

He sits down on the grass beneath him, putting his head in his hands. "Lyss, you're not making this any easier," he says. "I don't want to do this."

I crash to the ground, my elbows resting on my knees and my hands on my forehead. In this moment, it takes everything in me to not break down. I can't let him do this. "Then don't go," I choke out.

He scoots closer to me, placing a lock of my auburn hair behind my ear. "I have to, Lyss," he says, his voice wavering. "This is the way it needs to be."

"No, isn't!" I cry as I look into his eyes. The sadness I can see in his unusually dim eyes makes the tears flood out of my eyes. "You don't need to leave, you can stay here in Sydney with me!" I sob into his chest.

We sit on the ground in front of the park bench we'd been at a while longer as I continue to sob and curse at him.

"I've done so fücking much for you!" I yell, tears still running down my face, ruining my makeup. "I thought we were going to spend our lives together! I thought that's what you wanted, too!"

He opens his mouth to say something, but I cut him off once more.

"But you don't!" I cry. "You don't, and you lied, and now you're leaving me behind like I mean nothing to you! You've been such a big part of my life, and you just expect me to walk away from this unhurt like you?"

Before I can continue, he grabs my face and pulls me into a sloppy kiss. I've kissed James so many times, but never have I experienced a kiss like this. This isn't a sweet kiss out of love, or a hungry kiss out of lust; this is pure sadness and regret.

When he finally breaks away, a tear slips down his cheek. "Alyssa, I love you," he says, his voice cracking. "So much. I don't regret anything about the last four years. But this is my dream, and you've always been the one who told me to follow my dreams. I'm doing this because of you. I'll always love you, you know that."

I sit there, sobbing once more. Eventually, he begins to sob with me, and we hold each other and cry for what seems like ages.

"Don't go," I sob. "Please, please don't go."

He releases me and gazes at me with sad eyes. "I have to, Lyss. As much as I don't want to leave you, I don't belong here."

He stands up, helping me up as well. He pulls me into a large embrace as I continue to cry.

"I'm so sorry, I love you, I'm sorry," he mumbles over and over.

When I finally stop crying, he pulls me into a sweet kiss that has a sense of finality about it. This is it, I think to myself. He's actually leaving me. Forever.

He pulls away and presses a light kiss to my forehead. "Goodbye, Alyssa. I'll never forget you."

"Just let me know when you get there okay? I want to make sure you're alright," I say with a sniffle.

"Of course, babe," he says as he begins to walk away. "Goodbye, my love."

I watch his silhouette become smaller and smaller, until he finally disappears. I don't move. I just stand there, numb, repeating the events of the afternoon in my head. He's gone. And he isn't coming back.

Well, if I can't have him, I don't want to waste my time with anyone else. I'm done with relationships. If I can't have him, I'd rather just be alone.

Edited: 12/17/15