Wanting him (BxB) (editing)

Deep Thoughts

"Are you okay?"

I snapped out of my train of thoughts and averted my eyes at Kyle, "Yeah, in fine"

"Okay... I don't know how much I believe you" he retaliated.

I let out a sigh and reached for his arm, "Babe, honestly I'm fine. I'm here with you on this date and nothing can make this better"

Kyle smiled and picked up a piece of his steak on his fork to eat it.

Ever since I told Justin and Sydney about our relationship, I couldn't help but remember and repeat the memory of Justin's reaction. More importantly, I couldn't help but think of him in times when I shouldn't.

Like right now.

I was on a perfect date with Kyle that he had planned for over a week now and my mind had no constraints to wander off into thoughts about Justin.

Shaking my head in an attempt to excise my thoughts, I reached for Kyle's arm and softly brushed my thumb across his palm.

However, I couldn't help but remember the time Justin and I were at the ice cream cafe the day after I told him about my crush and how he had brushed his fingers across my palm.

Stop thinking about Justin, I thought.

"You look really good today" I let out.

"Thanks, babe" he replied allowing a smile to come across his face.

He did. The way his curly hair fell on his head and the white T-shirt that complimented his ripped jeans wore on his body gave an attractive feature on Kyle.

Once our dinner was over, Kyle decided to take me on this walk near the bridge that connected two sedentary towns. The night was dark and cool, and it almost brought an eighties movie vibe. If you looked up at the sky, you could see a cluster of stars surrounding the illuminated, white moon.

Kyle, noticing my slight shivers proceeded to take off his leather jacket and swiftly put it over my shoulders. "Here, this will keep you warm"

"Thank you" I smiled and leaned in for a small, tender kiss.

A few moments went by of Kyle and I walking silently through the dark night when I spoke, "Kyle, tell me a story"

Kyle took a few seconds to figure out what to say but then opened his mouth, "I was fifteen when I truly knew that I was gay. I remember I used to take Buzzfeed quizzes online that would test if I was gay or not and I significantly remember denying the idea every time someone asked. But when I kissed a boy for the first time at fifteen years old I knew that I was gay and there was no denying it"

"Who was the boy?" I asked.

"His name was Jacob. He was my first kiss and my first heartbreak" he replied.

"Do you still talk to him?" I don't know why I asked that question, but it was the only thing that came on my mind.

Kyle let out a scoff, "No, he kind of ended it on bad terms by cheating on me with one of my close friends"

I quickly regretted asking that question, "Oh, I'm sorry"

"It's ok," He stopped walking once we reached the center of the bridge that looked ahead at the rippling water. He turned to face me and raised his hand to softly brush them across my cheek, "I'm with you now"

That action alone sent the butterflies that had been swirling in my stomach into an explosion. No one had ever been this sweet to me. No one treated me like Kyle.

And the worst part was that I could never feel the same way about him.

The night ended when he drove me back to my place. I offered him a bed at my house since it was late at night and quite frankly, I didn't want him to go home alone. However he insisted that it was best for him to go home since he had some homework to do.

I entered the house and instantly I felt a cold atmosphere. I brushed it off and went to my room.

Even then, that cold feeling inside me didn't thaw and instead of going to sleep, I began to contemplate if what I was doing was right.

I mean sure I liked Kyle, but was I dating him for my own sake or for the sake of getting over Justin?

I thought being with him would somehow solve  this whole situation, but I can't help to think that it made it worse.