Two Sided

Chpt 8

"Is something wrong, hyung?"

Namjoon stayed quiet, not moving and barely even breathing. He seemed to be rooted in thought and his hands gripping each other, giving them each a soft squeeze. His hair blew in the wind, blowing his scent straight to Jungkook.

The younger couldn't help he stare at the attractive man that sat next to him, watching the way that colored hair waved in the breeze and how his melanin skin glistened beneath the moon and stars, how those eyes squinted and caused little wrinkles to form on his forehead; ones that were barely noticeable.

The complexion of his skin was fine and his pores were cleared, not showing any sign of acne or bad skin care, which was odd because Namjoon never engulfed himself into having nice and clear skin. He was fine when he got pimples and thought they were a normal thing since everyone got them. He didn't have a skin care routine and hardly washed his face unless he rinsed it in the shower.

A tightening knot formed in the pit of his chest and he held himself tighter, cheeks changing pigment and eyes unable to look away other than his side profile.

He sighed. And squeezed his eyes shut.

He did have a small secret from Joon.

That only Jin, Youngjae, Mingyu and Jungkook's stepfather knew.

Jungkook was, in fact, attracted to men but he never acted upon his desires towards them. Not publicly, at least, or to the point where it was obvious. He was already looked down on by people and he didn't want to add to their fuel, not like he cared for their opinions. 

He just didn't have time for them. Whenever someone, mainly a male, would be touchy with him it put him in a state of panic. Was it possible to have your gay show? He never knew and he didn't want to find out any time soon.

When a girl touched him, he went into a different type of panic, but not one of pure infatuation and attraction. They scared him and made him nervous. Some would call it trauma caused by his mom while growing up, others- his Seokjin- would call it having taste in things that were actually attracted. He had told Jungkook he was the same way, just not as panicky. But they always made him uncomfortable.

Some guys did, too, though. And he didn't know if he was really attracted to guys for a period of time. But he realized that the uncomfortableness was just his hormones trying to keep their cool. That definitely didn't happen towards women. Most guys even made him nervous, even if they were his friends, and he had no idea. Maybe the anxiety of them somehow finding out about his preferred sexual attraction.

But whenever he was around Namjoon he felt all that worry lift off of his chest and evaporate, leaving him with nothing but relaxing vibes and soft, loving feelings. A comfortable, at home feeling that very few felt around their crush.

He opened his eyes at the real awareness that there was a lack of that feeling.

Because on this night, even Namjoon's scent couldn't ease the tension that was slowly building up. And that was making Jungkook nervous. Because that bad butterfly feeling kept coming and going from within his stomach, feeling caged. Like he needed to get out of there.

He stood up and pretended to stretch, making exaggerated sounds. "Maybe we should head back, Joon-hyung. What do you think?" Jungkook suggested while taking two steps before Namjoon finally spoke up, still sitting.

"We can't."

"What do you mean we can't?" Those bad feelings. "Did you have more planned-"

"Stop walking. I said that we can't, Kookie."

Jungkook stopped at hearing the deep tone Namjoon was using with him, immediately feeling regret wash over his body at suggesting that they leave. He didn't want to ask him that question isolated from society. If Namjoon didn't like it, he could easily take him out. Was this it? Was Jungkook going to go missing? Being killed off by his best friend? What would Jin do-