There is also the popular saying Northern ladies are advised to live by, they say, "The filth not seen is clean". (Filth nonetheless, but no one asked me). And of course the funny-not-so-funny consolable talk where they say, "Be grateful he chases women, not men." And if he happens to be a "manizer", the distraught wife might be advised to stay to take care of her children or to take delight in his wealth or social status.
They say, "If you cannot spend time with him, spend his money." Since she is not the main person of desire to her husband, she might covertly resort to secret liaisons (an abomination) or remain depressed (the more acceptable outlet). How that is marriage eludes me, because marriage is suppose to curb social ills, not lead to it. But then again, what do I know?
Basically, there does not seem to be a "society" reason to end a marriage. You got to give it your all and fight for it. Work on your facade. Stay and try, even when there are no signs of life and it is obvious that one is trying to resuscitate a corpse.
They say, "A woman should remain married, not for her husband, but for the children and for her reputation." You find many couples stuck in toxic marriages, where cruelty, neglect, and isolation reigns. But of course, emotional abuse is not recognized. They say, "He is a man. Give him time to get back to his senses. It will soon be in the past."
So during the "wait time", those type of marriages lack communication, intimacy, and companionship. There are situations where the wife and her children are neglected all together, with the husband withdrawing economical and emotional support, as a way to express his displeasure (whether justified or not).
I moved back to Nigeria a while ago and I am completely culture shocked! Of course, times have changed and there are families who will not tolerate any form of oppression to their daughters. However, there are still parents and spouses, villagers and city folks, who believe in the ideology that marriage should be a do or die affair.
They say, "If you leave a bad man you might end up with a worse one. So deal with it." Some women claim to stay for their children, because the idea of another woman raising (or mistreating) them is unbearable. They avoid any child custody battle and they do not want to be separated from their children
Then there is the case of necessity. A lot of women are financially dependent on their men, so they tolerate the worse things. To some families, it is a shame and they worry, "what will people say?". Some women conclude they will still marry into the same system, therefore they say, "the devil you know is better than the angel you don't know". A good number of women simply blame it on sihr (magic) and will wait it out. Or worse, they will also resort to using charms, amulets, potions, and spells to make their husbands love them.
Apparently, there are women desperate to gain affection and attention from their men that they do anything, including dabbling in the occult. I noticed the way women's eyes spark with interest whenever there is a new perfume, concoction, or technique in town that involves "getting his attention and love". The struggle is real, folks.
