Backwoods Backwards

Thirty-Six

I sit up, my heart racing. I try to sound like I'm keeping my cool. "What did you guys talk about?"

He doesn't directly answer my question. "I think you're making a mistake in cutting off Duke this time."

"What is this, some kind of shrink advice? I don't understand."

He continues as if I didn't speak. "I never pegged Duke as the knight-in-shining-armor type, but I guess he could be for the right person."

"Jesse, what the hell?" I'm getting angry now. "What kind of joke is this?"

"No joke, Lacey. Just consider what I'm saying and think about things."

"And what am I supposed to think about?"

"Think about what you want." He pauses. "That's my twenty minutes. Good luck."

The phone clicks and the line goes dead before I can respond. I sit in a kind of shock for a minute before my phone rings again. Without hesitation, I answer quickly. "Jesse-"

"Yeah, definitely not Jesse, so sorry to disappoint," Lindsey says.

I feel myself deflate. "I thought you're still on your honeymoon."

"We're coming back today," my sister replies, pulling away for a moment to say something hush to Ian, I'm assuming. She comes back to the line and says, "Just thought I'd call in advance and find out what we missed."

My face burns with anger, frustration, and other emotions I can't distinguish. "A lot, Linds."

My short reply does not go unnoticed. "What happened?"

"Too much to recount right now," I say, thinking about Mom and Dad, Jesse and Duke, Perry and Angela. "I could really use some older sister advice when you get back, though."

"Am I going to like this news?"

My heart twinges painfully. "Probably not," I whisper.

Lindsey is quiet for a moment. "We'll be back in about two hours," she says finally, then she hangs up.

When Lindsey and Ian enter the house later, I hear them before I see them, especially once Mom has a chance to talk to them about Dad. Footsteps coming up the stairs filter through my closed bedroom door, then Lindsey is forcing it open. She takes one look at me and sighs, her hands on her protruding stomach.

"Mom told us," she says. "I heard you witnessed it firsthand."

"I had a front-row seat," I mutter, putting my head in my hands.

Lindsey comes over to sit beside me and puts her arms around me to the best of her ability. "Sorry, Lace."

"We saw this coming," I tell her. "At the very least, I mean, I knew it was bound to happen."

"Doesn't mean you had to watch it happen," she replies, still holding onto me. "You doing okay?"

Much like that night when Lindsey sobbed in front of me, I do the same now and spontaneously burst into tears.

"Oh, Lacey," she murmurs, pulling me closer. "What happened, sis?"

I tell her everything, every little detail. From Wesley and the blowout to Jesse and the Hollow, from Perry and our fight to Duke and all the secrets that came with him, I confess everything. By the time I'm finished, my eyes sting and my face is splotchy, and all I can do is wait for the judgement.

Instead, I see Lindsey crying herself by the time I'm done talking.

"Linds, what's wrong?" I sniff.

She shakes her head, still crying. "Damn pregnancy hormones," she mutters. "But I'm so sorry for all of that. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"You're never here, and we never really got along," I remind her, "and by the time we started to fix things, I felt like I was in too deep. I was scared. I still am."

Lindsey gets quiet for a minute, composing herself. In a thick voice she says, "Can I tell you what I think?"

Despite the overwhelming emotions I have right now, I'm able to snort at that and relax a bit. "You're going to, anyway."

"Damn right I am." She gets serious. "I think you like Duke more than you're willing to admit to him or even yourself."

I should argue, but arguing seems futile. "Maybe. Probably."

My sister levels me with a steady gaze. "So what are you going to do about that?"

"Nothing," I tell her, and it's true. I know me, and I know I won't act on this.

She frowns. "Why not?"

I look away. "Because I can't be sure."

"That's not a good enough answer, Lacey," Lindsey says firmly, "so try again."

"Because it's too much! He's too good, and I'm not. Even if I was, I couldn't give that much of myself away," I confess, shrinking in on myself.

"You can't, or you won't?" I say nothing, and she sighs. "Lacey, I just want you to be happy. If you would just accept this then-"

"Then what, Lindsey? I'll live happily ever after like you and Ian? That Duke and I will get married and have kids and live in a suburban home?" I shake my head. "That's for you, not for me. It's not what Duke wants, anyway."

"And how would you know?" Lindsey insists, spurring me on. "It's not like you've talked to him about this."

"Maybe not about us specifically, no, but I have talked to him about things like this, and I know his answer." I get quiet. "He couldn't give that much of himself away, either."

If Lindsey wants to push the matter more, she refrains and simply sits back, watching me while I stare at my hands in my lap. Just when I think she isn't going to say anything else, she opens her mouth one more time as she gets up to leave.

"When you decide to stop running, you should give him a call."

And with that, Lindsey leaves, shutting the door behind her.

As if he knows we were talking about him, Duke sends me a text, looking to start a conversation.

Without responding to it, I turn off my phone.

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Hey, lovelies! Thoughts on Lacey's revelations about Duke? Jesse's and Lindsey's advice? And, as always, if you enjoyed this chapter, show it a little love <3