elysian. norenmin

six. free

I walked past every bathroom and straight to the office. I needed advice.

I knocked on the door softly before being told to enter.
I hesitantly walked in and closed the door behind me before taking a seat in front of the guidance counsellor.

'Renjun, what's troubling you?' She asked, her head tilted in curiosity. This wasn't the first time I'd been here, or the tenth for that matter. I had been in here nearly twice a week ever since Lucas' accident. It had scarred me seeing him like that-

I shook the thought from my head and turned to telling the counsellor everything I felt and why.

'Renjun it's okay to feel like that. It's normal. It's all apart of growing up; questioning who you are and who you feel attracte-'
'I'm not questioning it. I know for certain how I feel; I'm just scared.' I had tears in my eyes.

She nodded knowingly and picked up the phone as I buried my hands in my yellow sweater once again.

'Hello, yes... I have Renjun here... yes he's okay... could you please-... ok that would be great... thank you very much... have a good day... goodbye.'

She hung up and smiled at me and I knew she had phoned my art teacher informing her on where I was in case she thought I was constipated in the bathrooms when I didn't come back.

'Renjun I understand and that's normal. It's completely normal.' She held out a hand to hold mine but I just looked at her.
'But it's not just that.' I said quietly.
'What is it Renjun?' She looked deep into my eyes.

'I'm in love with two boys, not just one. And the worst thing is is that they're dating and I know that I'll never be apart of that and I'm scared because I don't know what to do about it.' I threw my hands up and she just looked at me, not knowing how to respond.

She opened up her laptop and typed a few things in before turning back to me.
'Renjun have you ever heard of a polyamorous relationship?'

I shook my head.

'It's basically the state of having multiple romantically committed relationships at the same time, with the consent of all partners involved.'
I just say there, not knowing how to respond.

It could be the answer I guess...

The bell rang then and I thanked her before getting up to leave.

Just as I put my hand on the handle she called me back.
'There's no need to go back to your class, I asked for someone to bring your bags down for you.' She smiled.

I thanked her once again before leaving the office.

I expected my bag to just be sitting on the floor by the door but it was accompanied by two tall boys who stood smiling brightly at me with a hint of concern glossing their eyes.

My cheeks began flaming again and my hands began to shake.

'We brought your bag down for you!' Jeno smiled that sunshine smile of his, eyes forming little moons that lit up his beautiful features.

'Plus we all have photography next so we decided to walk you there too!' Jaemin smiled and handed me my bag. 'Are you okay? You seemed really upset in art.'

I nodded my head a little.
'I'm fine thank you. I just got a little overwhelmed, that's all. Thank you for bringing my bag down.' I looked up from one to the other as they smiled.

'Cute.' I heard Jaemin say under his breath.

I pretended I didn't hear him and slung my bag over my shoulder before walking towards our next class.

The two stood and admired me a little before coming to their senses and jogging to catch up.
'What happened last night? You left that groupchat and stuff. Did we say something?' Jeno asked, walking backwards in front of Jaemin and I.

I looked down at my hands and I could feel the two of ten focussing completely on me.
'It's nothing, I was upset.' I laughed and shook my head.
'You sure?' Jaemin asked, placing a hand on my shoulder causing my cheeks to light up.

I nodded.
'I'm fine now though.' I smiled at them and I could see Jeno's cheeks start to turn red.

Did he like me?

He tried to play it off my turning and walking beside me on the other side. We walked in silence to the class but occasionally the two would look at each other and mouth things like; "he's so cute" or "you're supposed to love me this much!" Theses things made me laugh a little and I had to try my best to disguise it.

We reached photography class and took our seats before the teacher explained that today we would be planning out our individual pages for the scrapbook.

I pulled out a notepad and flicked to the next free page as two little pieces of paper flew out and landed in my lap.

They were folded neatly and my name was written in the front of them; one in blue and one in black. I recognised the writing and immediately my heart began to race.

I unfolded them and read what they had to say before smiling to myself and looking up to where the two boys sat smiling widely back at me.

When they caught me and I smiled back they turned back around and I could see their hands hitting each other in what I took as excitement.

I looked back at the next free page but there was a little drawing of three little Polaroid's in a curved formation with our initials in the little white part of each, a drawing in each frame.

Mine was in the middle with Jeno's on the left and Jaemin's on the right; just like our seats in art. Inside my frame was a little heart, in Jeno's there was a sun and in Jaemin's there was a flower.

I smiled at the drawing and decided that I would include it on my scrapbook page and that maybe we could include it on the front with the title 'elysian' in nice writing.

I started planning out my scrapbook page but the words on the note kept repeating in my head.

"the rain falling reminds me of you,
because it is falling hard and I am too.
~ n.jm

you had the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and it only took your laugh to realise that beauty was the least of you
~ l.jn"

And finally, I felt, my heart could love freely.

—

thanks to chennnywise for giving me inspiration for this chapter,, ily ❣️

~ nimmy