The end of the day came in no time at all.
One minute I was sitting in photography class and the next I was standing by the bike shed waiting for Jeno and Jaemin to get out of class at the end of the day.
As was texting my mum to let her know that I would be home late because I was working on a school project, a dark shadow blocked the suns blinding light from reining down on me. Or should I say two shadows.
'Hi Renjun!' Jaemin smiled his golden smile and Jeno waved happily, his eyes in little half moons as usual.
'Hi guys.' I said softly, turning my phone off and putting it back in my pocket.
'Are you ready to go?' Jeno asked, his shoulder touching Jaemin just slightly.
'Yeah...' I breathed out as I spoke, trying to hide my shaking hands in my pockets.
I don't know why I was so nervous, it was only working on the photography project, it wasn't like it was a date or anything. Was it?
Oh god was it?
And at that moment, a million thoughts filled my head of everything that could possibly go wrong over the next few hours, or even minutes.
What if I did something and they thought I was weird and they turned on me and told everyone and everyone would make fun of me and going to school would be like as if I were a vulnerable lamb amongst a pack of starving wolves.
What if this was all an act and they were just doing this to me to put me in a position where I was vulnerable enough to say or do something that could be used against me.
What if they found out I liked both of them.
My hands started to shake even more, the once stable world around me began to spin and I became short of breath, taking small gasps for air as silently as I could.
I walked behind a chatty Jeno and Jaemin in an attempt to calm myself down without worrying them too much. That attempt was failing.
'You still back there Renjun?' Jaemin laughed before turning around, the smile that graced his features disappearing in a flash when his sparkling eyes met my panicked ones. 'Are you okay? What's wrong? Jeno help me.' He pulled on the older boys sleeve. Jeno didn't move.
Jaemin rested his hand on my shoulder which I gripped with my free hand, my eyes meeting his, my gaze slightly altered by the tears that began to well up inside them.
'It's okay Renjun.' He held me and a wave of comfort came over me like a warm blanket on a cold winters night. 'It's okay.'
A big tear escaped my right eye and slid down my cheek like a snake through grass and landed gently on my lips, leaving a salty taste on my tastebuds.
There was something in his voice that made me think that maybe it was going to be okay. Maybe all the problems I had at the minute and everything I had had problems with in the past will be okay.
'It's okay Renjun, we're here, it's okay, just breath.'
And I breathed.
Once I had calmed down enough to the point where my breathing was becoming more regular and heart was no longer racing, Jeno spoke; 'Renjun what happened?'
He stood behind Jaemin. He hadn't stepped forward during the incident because he seemed to be watching in awe, as if his spirit had left his body and was watching the whole thing unfold from the sky above us.
'He had a panic attack, you idiot!' Jaemin looked up briefly before turning his attention back to me, his hand rubbing circles on my back in a calming, rhythmic way; an action I found calming and comforting.
'I'm fine, it's nothing. It happens all the time.' I waved him off before righting myself, my hands wiping the tears that stained my cheeks and left my lips tasting salty.
'Oh Renjun...' I heard Jaemin whisper softly, his eyes full of sadness and sparkling with tears.
'It's fine, can we just leave now?' I said softly, my voice shaking as I remembered what exactly it was that had brought upon these panic attacks.
These thoughts were interrupted by both my hands being held, or rather gripped to the point where I had no other choice but hold them back, by two different people, one on each side.
I looked down to my right and then up the arm of its owner, here I found a sympathetically smiling Jaemin, his eyes unable to be read by me. His face was usually easily read but I could see his eyes shutting off, like the light and emotions he felt inside was hidden behind a door of strength and support. He traced a circle with his thumb on my knuckles.
I looked down to my left and up the arm of its owner and, as expected, my eyes met those of Jeno's, his eyes reminded me of a cold winters night, a snow storm brewing outside, a cosy fire, hot chocolate and marshmallows. His eyes reminded me of these things. Things that I loved. Things I loved, but not as much as him.
They began walking and it took my legs a split second to kick into action and start moving.
People stared at us obviously, something that would usually cause me to want the world to swallow me whole and leave me there, but with Jeno and Jaemin on either side of me, I felt that I could take anything in the world on and it wouldn't faze me.
It probably would but I'm happy right now so let's just pretend I'm invincible for a second, because that's what I feel like when I'm with them.
We are invincible.