Getting Jauregui

Chapter 1

Let me introduce myself, I am Karla Camila Cabello, Camila Cabello, and I am 17 years of age and originally lived in Miami, Flordia.

I am in a girl group with 4 other girls, Dinah Jane Hansen, Allyson Brooke Hernandez, Normani Kordei Hamilton and Lauren Michelle Jauregui.

We started off auditioning as solo artists on the hit television show The X-Factor, not making it until Simon decided to put us into a group, Lylas.

Ever since, life for myself and the girls has never been the same, we've been on the I Wish tour for Cher Lloyd, met One Direction and in less then 2 weeks we are going on the Demi Lovato; Neon Lights tour.

Never would I ever even dreamt of saying: "Yeah, in two weeks I'm going on tour with my girl group and Demi Lovato", never.

But I also never thought I would be a Lesbian, yeah all of the fans know I am a Lesbian and lets just say they are more than accepting of it, I thought the girls would be weirded out considering they might think I am checking them out or what ever, but they said they always had suspicions as I had always only spoke about my favourite female artist, checking girls out in public and whatever.

I knew I was Lesbian about a year after the X-Factor, I never really had been interested in boys, haha I haven't even had my first kiss, pathetic right?

But I knew for sure when I found myself laying in bed at night and thinking, "Fuck, I am in love with Lauren Jauregui, my fellow band mate".

We're currently in the dance studio trying to make sure that we have everything ready for the tour, we're having a break at the moment because we have been at it for 5 hours already.

I was broken away from my thoughts, startled as Dinah approached me sitting down and leaning against the wall covered in full length mirrors.

"Hey Chancho, what's up?" Dinah inquired.

"Nothing much Cheech, just thinking" I replied.

"About?" Dinah questioned, being her usual nosy self.

"My crush" I explained hoping she would get it as she is the only one out of all of the girls who knows that I am in love with Lauren, It's not that I don't trust the others, it's just that Ally and Normani are big with god and church, even though they know I am Lesbian, they were accepting but I don't know how they would react if I told them.

"Ew, look at them" Dinah spat, with a hint of disgust pointing her finger to the right.

My head followed her finger to see where she was pointing to, seeing Lauren sitting on Luis's lap whilst he kisses the back of her shoulder and she giggles.

I felt a fire build inside of me, but I knew I had to hold it in, I could treat her so much better than he would, I swear he is only using her because we're soon to reach our peak in our careers.

But she doesn't look happy, she may be smiling but I can see the pure look of boredom in her eyes, she doesn't have that spark that she used to.

"I could love her so much better, look how bored she looks" I whine.

"Mila, she will come to you, you just have to give it time.

If time is what she needs, time is what she will receive. But what if the time runs out?

Dance practice is over and now we're heading back to the mansion, finally able to get back to my bed and go on Tumblr and Twitter to talk to the Harmonizers, when I feel like shit they always manage to make me feel slightly better.

I've decided I am going to distance myself from Lauren, as when I am around her all I want to do is cuddle and kiss her and show her how I can love her, but I can't do that because for 1) she would fucking like kick me and 2) she is with Luis.

"Camz, are you going to watch a movie?" Lauren asked, plopping down onto the couch as the other girls mimicked her movements.

"No thank you, I am going to go to bed" I answered fast, heading for the stairs not bothering to make eye contact.

"Are you okay?" She asked, her voice laced with concern.

"No" I said, finally looking up and making eye contact whilst shaking my head side to side to signal no, walking up the stairs, into my room and locking the door before anyone could make their way in to question my motives or what is making me sad.

I logged onto my twitter to see what people have been saying, and just tweeted a few things, letting the Harmonizers know I am feeling a bit upset, because it seems when I do that they always try extra hard to make me smile.

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CamilaCabello97: The water is clear, but your wrists are stained.

Your face says happy, but your eyes say pained.

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Right now, I have that heavy feeling in my chest when I don't have any desire to speak or move. 

All I want to do is close my eyes and sleep, because constantly being broken and the constant over-thinking is exhausting.

Trying my best to make my days fulfilling and not so much of me drowning in my own misery, but never succeeding, is exhausting.

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CamilaCabello97: Intoxicated with madness, I'm drowning in my sadness.

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CamilaCabello97: My problem is that I would rather hear your voice, than listen to my favourite song.

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The voices of my inner demons are getting to much for me, it's like I am trying so hard not to drown in the voices in my head but it's like being sucked back into a black hole, with no return.

I stood up and made my way to the bathroom, making sure my bedroom and bathroom doors were both locked, I sat in the bathtub and turned on the shower to drown out the noise of my sobs, gasping for whatever air I can.

I grabbed a razor, using a bottle of shampoo to smash it before picking out one of the blades and placing the cool sharp metal on my skin, slowly gliding it along my caramel skinned wrist, slowly guiding it across making sure I press hard enough to feel the pain because as one of my favourite authors wrote; pain demands to be felt.

Pain demands to be felt, so felt it shall be.

After making about 5 or 6 long cuts over my arms, I stood up pressing a towel against the now slit skin and holding it there whilst I turn off the shower and slow down my breathing, I make my way over to the cupboard above the counter, behind the mirror and grab a couple of alcohol swabs.

I wipe them over my newly cut skin to prevent infection, taking a sharp breath as the stinging sensation slowly faded away, grabbing a bandage and wrapping my arm up.

I walked into my room to throw on a pair of big sweats and a big hoodie, tying my hair in a bun and making my way to my big king sized bed, laying down on a pillow letting sleep take over me, making me forget about the pain for a little while.