CORDIVILLA: Breathless

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Aalis ka ba ulit papuntang US?" Tanong ni Mommy sa akin habang abala ako sa pag-asikaso ng laptop.

I glanced at her. I observed my mother carefully. She has wrinkles already, her hair is turning gray and her eyebags are very obvious. Sumisikip ang dibdib ko habang pinagmamasdan siya. She looks so tired and I can't help but to withdraw my gaze and push away the guilt.

"I'll stay here for another week Ma, why don't you go with us? Leave with us and leave the memories here. It's not good for you." Mapait kong sinabi bago binalingan ang laptop.

Umiling siya at umiwas ng tingin. "I can't leave the house Stan-"

"Staying here won't bring back Dad. Stop being an intransigent, Ma!" Iritado na ako.

Ganito na lang palagi, I am trying my best to understand her but it's been a year! Alam kong mahirap kalimutan ang pagkawala ni Papa but drowning herself with the memories and not wanting to lift even her fingers just so she can move on with her life is making me frustrated!

This is life! People live and die. Sana una pa lang alam na nating mawawala tayo, we should accept it. Mahirap lumimot pero mas maghihirap ka kapag hindi ka gagalaw para ipagpatuloy ang buhay!

Move on and let go or life will leave you behind.

Napapikit ako nang marinig ang paghikbi ni Mama I am really upset! With myself and with everything. Ang sakit sa pusong nakikita ganito ang ina ko. I did everything to save her from pain but it's not working. She doesn't want to be saved and it kills me that I've reached my limits but my mother is still hurting.

"J-just leave me here Stan, get your brother and leave me here!" Pumiyok siya at yumuko. Nanginig ang balikat niya at napatayo na ako sa sobrang iritasyon.

This is my mother. I can't leave her here to suffocate herself and wish to die and go after my father! I want to understand her but I don't want her to go through more pain.

Tinitigan ko siya habang nakatayo, hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin sa kaniya. Napalingon ako nang marinig ang pagbaba ng kapatid sa hagdan ng mansyon. Lumipad kaagad ang mata niya kay Mama na humahagulgol. Kumunot ang noo niya at nilingon ako.

"Kuya, what happened?" Tanong niya at mabilis na lumapit sa amin.

Napabuga ako ng hangin. Umigting ang aking panga at tinanggal ang salamin sa mata. Hinilot ko ang sentido at tinalikuran sila.

"T-they will need you there Stan, bring your brother, I will be f-fine here." Nanginginig ang boses niya kaya napapikit ako.

"My brother is just Grade 12 at kailangan niyang mag-aral. Kaya ko na 'yon mag-isa." Malamig kong sinabi at nilingon ang kapatid kong nakatitig sa akin.

"Pero gusto kong sumama, Kuya. Gusto kong maranasan ang trabaho ni Daddy," nilingon niya si Mama, "Mom, please. Sumama ka na sa amin, manirahan tayo kila Tito!"

Umiling iling si Mommy kaya napabuga ako ng hangin. Hindi ko siya kayang iwan dito, gusto man siyang kunin ng mga kamag-anak niya sa ibang parte ng Metro Manila ay hindi ko kayang mapanatag ro'n. She will find her way back to this damn mansion!

"Your education is more important, Christian. I can manage it alone, labing isang taon ko nang ginagawa 'yon." Malamig kong tinitigan ang kapatid pero umiling lang siya.