The Golden Rule || Sanders Sides AU

Medication

Hey you guys! I'm back here with another heart-rending chapter of this fic! I've been having a crappy few days, but there's some good news. Tomorrow I'm getting my hair cut short; which I've been wanting for a long time! I'm really excited!! YAY!

Trigger warnings: suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, intrusive thoughts, memories of suicide, mentions of child neglect, mentions of emotional abuse

This one is gonna be a doozy! I mean it, this stuff could really be triggering please be careful.

But, if you want to continue, go for it! Here's the chapter!

Patton sat cross-legged on his bed, staring down at the pill bottle he was holding. Pain medication, for his concussion. One tablet every six hours. Or, for a better fix, all of them at once. He cringed slightly at the morbid thought, but only slightly. Roman had delivered the medication to him early that morning, seeming to remember about the pounding headache Patton had. Patton hadn't taken a single one, not yet. It felt like nails were driving into his head at every movement, and thought, and whenever his wrists rubbed against something they stung painfully. But all that could stop, in just a few minutes.

We don't need you

They didn't need him. Patton felt his throat tighten as more tears welled up in his eyes. If they didn't need him, then why was he even here? He was supposed to help others, but they didn't need him. They didn't even want him. Patton wasn't necessary. He grimaced, closing his eyes as tears tracked down his face. Patton wasn't necessary. Patton didn't need to be here. No one thought of Patton. The world didn't think of Patton. Patton shouldn't even think of Patton. But he did. Patton was selfish.

Selfish Selfish Selfish

Patton choked back a sob, gripping the lid of the meds tightly with a shaking hand. He slowly twisted it, and then dropped the lid on the blanket next to him. He frowned slightly, looking at the size of the pills. He could probably swallow three at once, to get them down faster. Moving faster now despite the pain in his head, Patton shook three out into his palm and grabbed the water from his nightstand.

We don't need you

He glanced to the side, procrastinating, and his gaze fell on the three envelopes he'd prepared that morning. He hadn't slept long, too upset to get enough rest. He'd thought long and hard about who he could leave a letter to, and had only been able to think of his roommates. Not his family, that was for sure. And Patton had no friends other than them, even though he was sure they didn't like him very much. The notes were short and concise, and next to them was a paper out in the open with an even shorter note. His eyes scanned it, and he knew he was just procrastinating what he was going to do.

Treat others the way you want to be treated. That's the most important thing on earth, and it always has been. Put others before yourself, that's what everyone has always told me. The thing is... the world that told me to care about others first doesn't care about Patton either. So if Patton wasn't thinking of Patton... and the world wasn't thinking of Patton... who was thinking of Patton? No one was thinking of Patton. That's the way it was supposed to be, the way it always had been. I'm too selfish to keep trying... so I give up. The world doesn't need Patton anymore.

Patton choked back tears and looked away from the note. He took a sip of water and took a deep breath.

"On three." talking to himself was useless, but he didn't care. "One..." He was going to miss his friends. "Two..." and puppies. Maybe there would be puppies if he ended up in heaven. "Thr-"

"What are you doing!?" Patton's eyes shot to the door, where Logan had just opened and stood frozen. He walked forward swiftly and Patton realized what he was going to do. He was going to stop Patton from leaving. Patton forced the pills into his mouth, but Logan grabbed him and pushed him onto his stomach, knocking the water across the suicide note. Patton gagged, spitting all three pills back out onto the blanket.