Hold On || Rider x Goggles

Raised Right (Prologue)

Everytime I see him, everything is okay. Nothing else could bring a smile to my cold face anymore. Every noon they find me, they use me, they hurt me. Starting today I'm not going to leave my cozy isolating apartment. I stayed in bed staring at the boring cream colored ceiling with only the sun as my light. But why can't the sun bring me to smile? Why can't it be the light of the darkness surrounding me? Maybe it's because I deserve every single scar, bruise, and punch I revived over the last two weeks. All of them, laughing as I hurt more. But when he looks at me, it's like the whole world and pain disappeared and it was only me and Rider. Rider never comes when they start beating me until I bleed, he comes rather before or the aftermath. But I never bring out to say that they bullied me, so I always made excuses and he shakes his head at me and pat my head. I couldn't live with myself if I told him and hurt his feelings because I was hurting more. The words won't come out.

The sun really wanted me out of bed, but no motivation came to me. What's the use of getting up when knowing you're going to get hurt in any way, mentally and physically. But finally I roll out of bed and went to my own bathroom. My skin was still caked and decorated with scars and deep bruises. I grab all the medicine I could remember and grabbed a bandaid for yesterday's deep scar, and I press cold ice to my bruised cheek. There was a cream I picked up not too long ago to treat my horrendous black eye which hasn't stop swelling since last week and I apply softly. All I could do was just laugh at myself, I look so ridiculous. And my sloppy pajamas to top it all off! I grab my lucky green scrunchy for my hair because it reminded me of Rider and I put my tentacles in a high ponytail. And to try to top it off, I faked my smile. I felt like I looked better with a smile always, mamma always said if you smile the most, most people can trust you.

But now... I feel like she lied to me about everything. I knew she raised me right, she always told me to love everyone in their own way and accept them too. "As long as that smile is there you can brighten the whole world," she always told me. But, why can't people be accepting now? Why can't my smile brighten the world, even for me? It used to work all the time, my friends would laugh longer with me, but that's gone. I hardly see my friends now, they say they're busy and I'm just left for dead. I came out of the bathroom and took my daily pills in the kitchen, it's my 'pills to make you happy' as people see them. But it's suppose to balance my brain to be right, but they never work. Since I took them I feel even worse.

I had nothing to eat, so I just starved the rest of the day, nothing I felt like could fill me either. Not even pickle plums, I'm sick of the taste because of how much I ate them in the past. So all I could do today was my favorite, laze around. I wrap myself like a fuzzy burrito in the blanket I got for a gift and plop onto the couch. It felt like they're were no warmth for me to have any longer, but only one warmth is valid for me. His touch.