MESSED UP - completed!

29- Goodbye Party

29 Goodbye Party

Someone knocks on the door. I wipe my tears quickly and pull the blanket over my head.

"Mia?" Isla says, and I don't move. She opens the door, silently watching me. Then she approaches me and sits next to me on the bed. "I know you're awake." She sits in silence and puts her hand on my shoulder. "Please get up. It's been a week. I'm worried about you."

I wipe my tears and toss the blanket to my side. Then I slowly turn around to face Isla. "I'm sorry," I say in a low tone.

"What happened?"

"I-I can't... I'm not..." My tears start running down my face again, and she gets closer to me to hug me, but I get back.

She immediately moves back with a worried look on her face. "I'm here for you anytime you want. You know that, right?" She says, and I nod. "I'm really worried about you. Please talk to someone if you're not comfortable with me. Maybe a stranger. A therapist?"

"I will."

"What is that?" she says, trying to take a look at my neck.

"What?"

"The bruises on your neck."

I haven't seen myself in the mirror, and I don't know how bad the bruises look. My hands immediately rise to cover my neck.

"Who hurt you?" Isla asks as I still avoid looking at her. "Who did this to you, Mia?" she pushes, and I say nothing. "That looks serious!"

"Don't," I beg her. "Please. J-Just don't push it. I'm fine."

"You're not fine!" she says. "I'm canceling the birthday party!"

I wipe my face. "Shit." I try to look for my phone on my bed but can't find it. "What day is it?"

"August second," Isla says.

"Fuck. I forgot about that."

"We're not doing it!"

"Yes, we are. Smith's been through a lot. He needs this."

"You're not okay."

"I'm fine. I'll be fine."

"Mia. He doesn't need a birthday party. He's a grown man. He'll be okay."

"I swear I'm fine. Okay? I'll be fine. I'll talk to a therapist, I promise you. Everything's fine."

Reassuring Isla that I'm fine is hard. I take a hot shower to ease my muscles. I have to wear a turtleneck to hide the bruises on my neck. Then I join Isla for meals. She makes sure I do everything I need to do to recover sooner.

I try to talk to people and be as normal as I can. The hard part is the nights. I can't close my eyes without dreaming of the moment Bill was choking me. I want to talk to a shrink, but how do I tell them I almost committed murder? How do I describe the trauma of a man choking me to death? Worst of all, how do I tell them I did such an irresponsible, dangerous thing while pregnant? How can I let these words out of my mouth when I'm not ready to hear them myself?

Sleepless nights pass, and I spend days with Zoey's instructions. Not for me, but for my baby. Meditation, vitamin pills, exercise, and drinking a lot of water. I talk to an online therapist by chatting with them. I don't tell them everything that's happened with specific details. They help me regulate my breathing and thoughts.

The day of the party comes. We set the decorations, and I occupy myself with work so I don't fall into my traumatic memories again. I fix my dress as I look at myself in the mirror. The bruises have faded after weeks, but a red line has appeared after the healing, and I have to cover it with a scarf.