Your Crucible | Peaky Blinders

Chapter Twenty-Seven ~ Confessions

          Lottie smiled, tensing. "Well, I've just been so busy, but I couldn't resist seeing you for another moment!"

          "Come on, Will, it's your bed time," said John, dismissing him softly.

          William looked sceptically between the two adults. "Do you promise to come say hello tomorrow?" He asked Lottie.

          "Cross my heart, hope to die," she replied.

          He paused for a moment before finally nodding and saying goodnight. As he disappeared up the stairs, John walked to the door, looking just as unsure as Lottie felt. "Did you want to come in?" He asked.

          Lottie smiled, "Yes, please." She took off her coat and hung it on the hanger and made her way to the familiar route into the living room. "I can't believe how much he's grown," she sighed.

          John chuckled. "It seems he won't stop."

          "Not for a while at least," she added as she sat down on the armchair and he went to sit opposite on the sofa. They paused for a moment. "How are you holding up?"

          He shrugged. "It's not the first time Arthur's in prison." As soon as the words left his mouth, the same thought entered both their minds: but it might be the last.

          "He'll be out," sayid Lottie confidently. "We'll get him out."

          John suddenly looked up at Lottie, his eyes strong, his jaw clenched. "Why are you here, Lottie?"

          Her posture seemed to crumble inside her. "I don't know," she murmured. "I don't know." She shrugged. "Maxim's out trying to solve this, and I don't know what I can do to help. There's nothing I can do and I didn't want to be alone. I left the apartment and next thing I know, I'm standing at your door. I really don't know why I'm here, John, I don't know..."

          He sighed and rested his forearms on his legs, leaning forward. "Esme has gone to the Lees, trying to convince them to get some men for us. She's been gone since the meeting. I've got all the kids, except the baby. I don't know why you came here, there's nothing I can do either."

           They sat in silence once more. Lottie stared into the burning fire, her mind racing down many streets and avenues. Tommy would get them out of this - but what if he couldn't? What then? She couldn't lose them, not Arthur and not Michael... they'd barely started, he couldn't be snatched away from her now, doomed to a life imprisoned.

          John's voice caught her out of her rabbit hole of a mind. "Your cheek," he said. "What happened?"

          Lottie had already forgotten what had happened only that morning. Automatically, her hand went to cover the slight bruising. "Polly's unsurprisingly strong," she tried to joke.

          John lent forward to lightly touch it, but he caught himself at the last moment. His fingers curled into his palm, his jaw clenched, and he leaned backwards, his spine stiffening. "Because of Michael?"

She dropped her eyes. "You said it wouldn't end well," she said with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Lottie-"

She stood up, suddenly filled with emotion. "Why is it so wrong? Why does Polly hate it so much? Maxim's not exactly a fan either, and we both know your thoughts about it. Tommy... who knows what Tommy thinks and if Arthur knew, he'd beat the poor sod to a pulp. I don't understand!" Her voice was rising, until she froze, her eyes wide and vulnerable. "Is it so wrong for me to be happy?"