Y O U R C R U C I B L E
"May you be in heaven a full half hour before the devil knows you're dead."
Lottie Thorne, sister of the notorious Freddie Thorne, is counted as part of the Shelby family. And her loyalty is...
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"I could never hate you"
"Mickey, look at me."
Lottie had had enough. She couldn't take it anymore. She was at her limit, she did not survive hell to make it to purgatory rather than heaven which she thought she had been promised. She lived for her children but they were away until she was better and she lived for Michael but he couldn't look at her. Why couldn't he even meet her eye? She wanted nothing more, desperation and hurt and fear and guilt overwhelmed her. She couldn't sleep, she couldn't eat, she couldn't do anything but tremble. This is not what she fought for. This was not what she had been wishing and dreaming about.
She'd been living with Michael for a while now but nothing had changed from day one. She had been sent to the bedroom while he stayed on the sofa. Every time she would walk into a room, he would find an excuse to leave, his most convenient was work and Lottie couldn't stand it anymore.
Michael stood in the doorway of their apartment, his back to her, but his head turned to the side at her voice. Lottie stared at him, her heart heavy and tired. Her battered body healed but not the same. Nothing would be the same. "Please." God, she hated that word.
He froze where he stood, his coat slung over his arm and his suit perfect. He was perfect but he wouldn't look at her. That's all she wanted; to see those perfect grey eyes looking lovingly at her, all warm and comforting. But he wouldn't. They were cold and icy. Lottie stood next to the sofa, her body limp and tense all at the same time. Never before had she felt so desperate. She felt that if he walked out the door, she'd loose all her hope. "Michael," she whimpered.
He stared at the ground, she could see his jaw clenching and then unclenching, then clenching again. "I've got to go to work."
"Just look at me," she begged. "Please." She hated the word. She hated that word, but it was the only word that circled round her mind. "Talk to me, I just want to talk."
"Not now, Lottie," he said tightly. He couldn't speak, he couldn't face her. His heart hurt more than he could say. Hurt and anger had fuelled his decisions while Lottie had been taken, he regretted what he had done but that didn't stop him from continuing. He was a liar. Now all he felt was guilt and sadness, made worse by the sight of Lottie when she made it back. Every time he saw her, guilt made him want to run.
She walked over to him, close enough to touch. She didn't. She didn't feel like she could. "Talk to me. I need to know what you're thinking."
