"she loves her dad, am i supposed to deny her of that", i held the phone to my ear as i shuffled around my office.
"no, just know your worth. i'm tired of seeing that he cheated on you every other day", my sister spoke.
i put her on speaker as i began typing on my laptop, "i just...i don't even think it's about staying together for summer. i don't know why, but i still love him."
she sighed on the other end of the line, "then...figure it out big sis. gotta go, love you", she didn't wait for me to respond, just hung up.
i heard a knock at my office door.
"come in", i typed random things on the blank document.
shawn appeared, "i just put summer down for her nap, wanna talk?"
"not particularly", i didn't look up at him. "but, i guess. take a seat ", i motioned to the seat across from me.
he waved it off, "that's okay", he began walking around, "when did you and summer go to disney?"
"about a month ago, i tried to call you but--", i cut myself off.
he bit the inside of his cheek, something he often did when we argued. "oh, i'll have to make it up to her."
"yeah, she loves you a lot", i continued to look at the screen in front of me.
"i love her too", he simply said before glancing at another frame, "you still have these", he looked at the frame which held multiple polaroids. he smiled a bit, studying the photos of him and i.
"well you are my husband", i went to google, typing the process of divorce.
"i just think it's cute because", he felt around for his wallet, fishing it out. he pulled out three polaroids. one from our wedding night, one from when we first started dating, and one of us at a show. "i never go anywhere without them", he grinned proudly.
"you hook up with other women with those in your wallet", i grinned dryly, "bold."
he closed it instantly, "you never answered me last night", he finally took a seat, "why do you still love me?"
i bit the inside of my cheek, "i-i have no idea. i know that i do though because at the end of the day i'm just gonna turn the other cheek when you cheat on me, i'm gonna be happy when we do family things, and i'm gonna enjoy falling asleep on your chest when you're home", i didn't want to tear up but my body outvoted me.
he looked down at the ring on my finger, just staring at it. "i know."
i hated him.
"so why do you just...watch me crumble? why do you watch me waste my fucking life", i whispered shouted, my voice cracking.
"because i love you, and i dont know why i do what i do. i get lonely but, i don't know why i cope like that", he shrugged.
i shook my head, "you know, apart of me almost wanted to say that that was understandable. and my dignity knows that you've taken almost all of it, but unlike you, it still has my back."
"does it? because we both try so hard to be strong, so hard to fight our demons, but it looks like we both keep losing", he spoke sincerely.
"what demons do you have shawn", i almost yelled out of disgust, "you get to sleep around while i sit faithfully with our child like some naive trophy wife! the whole world thinks i'm a fucking idiot. and hey, maybe i am", i was sobbing hysterically now, "because every part of me believes that everytime you do it, it's the last time. and i somehow still think that you're the man who i'm meant for. but if that's the case, my story's nothing but a lesson for my descendents."
he came around the desk, wrapping his arms around me and allowing me to cry in his chest. he didn't speak, just hugged me.
he had always understood me. he said stupid things, but he knew just what i wanted, all the time. he apologized, he held his empathy, he loved our child.
and i guess,
that's why i loved him
