Insomnia [j.g]

2

Maybe I should tell you how my life was before this? Well, my life was average.

I was just an average teenage girl.

I had my mom and my brother.
My dad left us when I was 10. But, when I was 12, he came back; claiming that he had changed. My mom let him live with us again, until we found out that he had not changed, he was the same drunken dad that I had grown up around.

After my mom realized she couldn't stay with that man any longer, the three of us left him and moved away, so now we live in Nebraska. My brother, Tyler, and I were pretty much alone for the first half of our lives. We'd spend most of our time out of the house, staying at our friends' houses for several days at a time. When we moved we saw it as more of a new start than anything.

I am 17 and Tyler is 19. We haven't seen our dad in 5 years. Infact, I don't even consider him my dad. I don't know him personally, and I don't need or want to.

I now go to a Highschool called Northridge.

I have 2 friends there. My life is just plain and boring.

I have also never been in a relationship because I don't see the point in being in a relationship if you don't plan on spending a considerable amount of time with them; which no one seems to want to do now.

I pretty much have built a wall around myself that really, can't be broken down.

My life before this horrible mess was pretty good. I'd take that life back anyday. Even though I hated it before, I hate it so much more now.

Because now, I feel so empty without him.

He was my everything, he is my everything.

Before, I couldn't imagine my life without him, But now I'm living my life without him. This 'life' I'm talking about, is actually called my own personal hell.

I can't do anything properly. Everything I do makes me think of him more and more.

Maybe this was supposed to be. Maybe he wasn't just the guy who broke my heart, Maybe this could build me up and make me better.

I know, I sound pathetic right now. And that's because I am. It's pathetic that I still write to him, even though I know he will never read them. It's just a habit that I have not let go. It's hard to let go of a routine that I have done for a quite a while.

I'll take you back to my life before and with him. Before my life now.