Craig of the Dead

18. Whoa, Don't Make Craig Mad

"Well, I'm not going in."

"Okay, well I'm sticking with you." Stan stepped back to be with Kyle. god, those guys just get gayer and gayer, don't they?

"Try not to do anything naughty while we're inside!" I called out as the rest of the guys inside. I locked the door again and walked forward, eager to show them this wonderful world I had created for myself.

"This, my friends, is Cartman's Kingdom! Pretty sweet, huh?" The boys looked around at all the kids who were just milling about. I was ready to show them around the whole school, but Craig shoved his way to the front and began to look inside all of the classrooms.

"Where's Tweek?" He asked, shaking my shoulder violently.

"Oh, let me show you! It's literally the funniest fucking thing ever!" I hurried towards the bathroom. This was one of the biggest things that could brighten my day. Tweek was almost as gullible as Butters nowadays.

Our group neared the entrance, so I silently gathered everyone just outside the door.

"Shh, okay. You guys gotta be quiet or else it won't work." I snickered.

"What are you—"

"TWEEK!" I yelled, bursting through swinging door. He screamed and jumped, spilling coffee all down his shirt. "TWEEK THEY MADE IT IN THE ZOMBIES THEY ARE JUST OUTSIDE THE DOOR!"

"OH JESUS! AHHHH! GAHHHH! HOLY SHIT I'M GOING TO DIE! I KNEW IT! WAAAAA!" He screamed again and ran frantically around the bathroom, tripping over the cord to his coffee maker and falling face-first onto the tile.

"OH JESUS PLEASE SEE ME THROUGH THIS! OH GOD THEY'RE GONNA GET ME!!!!" His nose began to bleed from his face plant and tears began to flow with the blood.

"HAHAHAHAHA! My god you are so stupid!" I snorted, doubling over from the laughter. Tweek looked up at me from his shaking little pile on the floor. He sniffled and wiped snot off his nose.

"Oh god... I'm losing my mind..." He pulled at his hair and rocked back and forth. "I'm going insane..."

"This, I tell ya, never gets old. This is the tenth time I've done—" I was stopped mid sentence by a blow to my gut. I doubled over again, this time out of shock and pain. Who the fuck just punched me?

"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE I'M GOING TO FUCKING MURDER YOU! I'M GOING TO TEAR YOU TO SHREDS YOU HEAR? YOU HEAR THAT YOU SICK MOTHERFUCKER?" Craig roared as he pummeled me, beating be over and over again with his fists. Tweek started screaming again, startled by the sudden outburst.

"Craig! What's—" I tried to squeak out words as best I could but he wouldn't relent, yelling at me at the top of his lungs and kicking me in the balls and strangling me. He had his thumbs on my throat and pushed harder and harder.

"HOW COULD YOU FUCKING DO THAT? I'M GONNA BEAT YOUR ASS! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU AND WEAR YOU SKIN AS A COAT!" White spots danced across my vision. Was this really how I was going to go out? Because Craig couldn't take a joke? Suddenly, all at once, the pressure was lifted. I gasped for air like a fish out of water, stumbling about the bathroom, blinking my eyes in an attempt to make the spots disappear.

When I regained my vision, I could see Token holding Craig back by the arms as he started daggers at me. For a solid minute, the entire bathroom was completely and deathly still. Then a solitary shriek cut through that silence like butter.