Marmoris | Rabastan Lestrange [1] ✔︎

57 | GUILT

For the first time in more than a century, lists with names of the dead were published in newspapers the next day. The students that had remained at the castle sat in the Great Hall in the morning, numbly staring at their food or silently crying. Phoenix was rubbing Maureen's back, who was being held in a secure embrace by Dawn. All of their friends sat silently around the table, their eyes red from crying and unable to eat even a single bite. William Nott was the only student that had died in the battle, among him about a half dozen adults, both parents and aurors. Phoenix couldn't stop herself from feeling guilty for what had happened to Will, as Bellatrix had made his death sound like a lesson to her and she had foreseen the incident in multiple visions, but had never paid enough attention to them. Reading his name in the Daily Prophet which had arrived only a few minutes prior didn't make the situation any better.

She barely noticed how Professor Dumbledore got up and positioned himself in front of his students. "Yesterday we lost a lot of people, good people and people that have done wrong. Nonetheless, even those are worth mourning. Our school lost a talented student. William Nott was a great friend, fair leader and amazing Quidditch player." Phoenix heard Maureen sniff and chuckle sadly at his words, but she felt even more like crying. Even Rabastan's warm hand that grabbed hers under the table didn't offer much comfort. She was glad he had returned immediately after he had heard the news. However, his grieving face was just one more thing that made her feel guilty. "He will leave a great hole in our school and our hearts, but know that he died an honourable death, protecting the ones he loved from a great evil. William Nott died as a hero and his memory will live in us for years to come." With her eyes full of tears Phoenix watched Damian get up and storm out of the Great Hall with large steps. "It is cruel to take such a young, good soul away from us. Let us honour him with a minute of silence."

The headmaster adverted his eyes towards the ground, folding his hands in front of him. Most of the students did the same, but Phoenix heard some of them whisper things like 'This is so stupid,' or 'he isn't worth honouring', which made anger boil up in her blood. Will had never been anything but kind to her – or anybody else that she knew of. He even went against the sexism of Slytherin's Quidditch team to allow Dawn to join it and he had always been there to help when needed. His best friend Damian had gone through a hard time after his sister had passed away, but no matter how many times he had insulted him, Will had never even complained about picking up his firewhisky bottles in the common room when his friend had seen no other possibility than drinking to forget the sadness. Even though he had joined the Death Eaters, Phoenix doubted that Will could have been anything but good. Those people had no right to talk about him like that, nobody had.

Dumbledore cleared his throat, which marked the end of the minute of silence. "Due to the recent events, we decided that all of you will be sent home by tomorrow. You shall have time to mourn with your families and be among the people that you feel safest with." Phoenix nearly laughed out loud. After her argument with her cousin the day prior, she doubted that her family would be either safe or mourning. "May the fallen ones' memories stay in our hearts for years to come."

Nobody cheered, unlike to how they usually did after their headmaster's speeches. The air in the room felt thick and heavy, pressing them down to the ground. The school was grieving, because of one reason or another.

★

The next morning when they stood on the platform in Hogsmead, ready to board the train, Dawn was the one to look back to the castle with a sorrowful expression on her face and remarked, "I wish we could have left Hogwarts as a happier place."

Phoenix smiled sadly at her. "Next year we will."

Maureen, Dawn and her looked up at the castle, which was hidden behind the tall trees of the Forbidden Forest. It seemed like nature was mourning with them, as dark clouds covered the sky above them and due to a heavy rain earlier that day, the air was unusually chilly for Summer and the plants' leaves were hanging low. Dawn was right. Usually they would joke and playfully shove each other to the train, mocking somebody about a crush which they wouldn't admit to have until Will would ask them to stop with a laugh. A lump started to form in Phoenix throat. Will was a good person and he hadn't deserved to die. If only she would have taken her visions more seriously she could have saved him.

Phoenix hadn't told anybody about these thoughts – not even Rabastan. The wound was too deep and it was her very own burden to bear. She was one of the reasons why William Nott was dead and she would never let anything like that happen again, not because of her. She had to do better.

"I will not come back", Dawn announced and interrupted Phoenix' line of thought.

"What?"

Both, Maureen and Phoenix, turned around to face their friend, who had a tear rolling down her cheek. "I understand now. I do not belong here."

"Of course you do", Maureen assured her and took her hand, but Phoenix sensed that the brunette had already decided on that matter and would not let anything change her mind.

To her confirmation Dawn shook her head, pressing her lips tightly together for a moment. "I'm not wanted here and now I can finally see that it is totally fine. I am meant to protect people with my elven heritage, not learn magic with wands. I'm more an elf than I am a witch."

Phoenix slowly nodded. "If that's really what you want, we won't hold you back. You of all people deserve to be happy, Dawn."

"Oh, why do you always have to be so cheesy?" Maureen stifled a short laugh, while Dawn drew both of them in a hug. "This is not goodbye, alright?"

"Alright", Dawn agreed, when Phoenix pointed behind Maureen.

Not so discreetly, her friends turned around. What they witnessed was the most unexpected scene. Damian Greengrass, who Phoenix had just watched tap Gryffindor's seeker Marlene McKinnon on the shoulder, thanked that same girl in front of all the other students. For what they didn't know, but Marlene seemed to understand and offered him a warm smile and a nod in return before she turned back around.

"Salazar's beard", Dawn murmured, while Phoenix just gasped with surprise and Maureen stayed completely silent.

As a matter for further confusion he strolled over to them, draping an arm over Maureen's shoulder and looking back at the castle, just like Dawn had done it minutes before. Phoenix watched a hint of sorrow and sadness cross his features, as he turned to face Maureen. "There's something he wanted to tell you here, you know?"

Phoenix believed she had never seen Maureen as fragile as when she answered with her voice almost breaking, "What was it?"

"That he loved you."

Those words made Maureen loose the last bit of control that she had over her grief and tears started to roll down her cheeks once again. It broke Phoenix' heart to see her in that state, but she knew that it was right of Damian to tell her. Also she saw the hint of tears in his eyes as well, when he pulled her into a gentle hug. "Wherever he is now, he still loves you."

Somehow the loss of his best friend had brought back the old Damian, or at least parts of him. Phoenix had expected it to destroy him even more, but somehow it had pulled him back to who he had been before his sister's death. She didn't know why or how, but she found herself not really caring.

Perhaps there was really something like wonders in dark times.