Foresight: A Superhero Story

39. Torrent

I showered and changed into sweat pants and a loose shirt. I tossed my bloody sweater in the trash. I sighed as I looked at it. It pained me to toss it after one wear, but I didn't know how to get dried blood out of knit material. I suppressed my urge to gag before shutting the lid on the garbage can.

I went over to the counter where my purse laid. Fortunately none of the blood got inside my bag. I scrubbed the last of the blood off the cross body strap as a loud knock came from my door. I dropped the soiled paper towels in the trash and quickly rinsed my hands.

I opened the door to see Roland. He immediately swept me into a hug. I was startled at first, but quickly returned the sentiment.

"Roland wha-"

"Where have you been? It's past midnight!"

"I-"

He gripped me tighter. "I was so worried!"

"Roland, it's okay. I'm fine."

He smiled happily, making my battered heart melt. Roland reluctantly released me. I could see my hair left a sizable damp spot on his expensive shirt. He didn't seem to notice, but I desperately hoped it wasn't dry clean only. Roland looked me over as if searching for injuries. Finding none, he pulled me into another tight hug.

"You didn't answer my texts, or my calls."

"I know... I'm sorry."

"We were supposed to hang out. Where did you go?"

I paused, biding my time. I really didn't want to lie to Roland, but I knew the truth wasn't any better. I ran a hand through my hair before answering. "I just had a lot on my mind... I went on a walk to clear my head."

Roland looked at me. He knew I was lying, I could see it in his face. However, he never called me on it. Roland looked away from me, then sighed and released me from his embrace. "I'm just glad you're okay."

I closed the door then ushered Roland to the couch. We sat together for a few moments making small talk. "You want to watch a movie?"

Roland nodded. I hopped off the couch and searched for my small collection of DVDs. I rummaged idly through until I found one the sounded good. I popped it in the DVD player and settled back onto the couch next to Roland. To my dismay, he scooted away, leaving a few more inches between us.

Shit.

I had a feeling his slightly sullen mood had a lot to do with me. We watched the movie in a tense silence. I struggled to come up with a way to bridge the growing distance between us, but the likelihood of my ideas being successful seemed slim to none. I was left unable to speak for fear of making things worse.

When the movie was half over, Roland abruptly stood. "I'm sorry, V, but I have to go."

"What?"

Roland moved towards the door. "It's getting late and I need to prepare for a presentation tomorrow."

"Roland, wait."

He turned and looked at me with tired eyes.

"I'm sorry I lied to you. I just... I can't tell you where I was tonight."

"Why not? I thought we were friends." I could clearly see the pain in his eyes. "Don't you trust me?"

"I trust you. And someday, I will tell you. But right now I need you to trust me."

Roland looked skeptical. "Why?"

"Because I'm trying to make things right."

Roland looked at me with serious eyes for a few moments. He frowned slightly before bidding me a clipped goodnight. When the door closed behind him, I crumpled to the ground. The tears that threatened to escape my eyes throughout the night came surging back with a vengeance. I sobbed quietly as I was overwhelmed with emotions. 

He was right to be angry. I chastised myself internally, wondering what the hell I was thinking. Making it right with Roland would not be an easy task, that much was certain. My mind whirled with what ifs as I pondered the fate of our relationship. I lied to the one person I truly cared about. I looked him dead in the eye and spouted nothing but fallacies. What kind of person did that make me?

My parents always taught me to do the right thing. To right each wrong you commit. My mother always spoke of karma and how it could, and would, come back to haunt us. I sadly wondered if I was getting my payback. Perhaps a romantic relationship was unobtainable for me. I was - I am a bad person, after all. It didn't matter how many fresh starts I embarked on or how many second chances I was given. Could a soul that was stained black every be pure again? No, I highly doubted it. 

Maybe this strange power of mine, this gift, was really just a curse. I could forever spend my life in servitude to other and never truly make things right. Unlike Specter, I didn't engage in heroics for the good of others, I dabbled in heroic actions in an attempt to find an ever elusive shot at redemption. I wonder what Specter would think if he had met me a few years ago. Thankfully we never met back then, he would have probably thrown me into a jail cell. 

I could still see every regrettable moment in vivid detail. Like a waking nightmare that appeared every time I closed my eyes. Growing up the way I did forever changed me for the worse, not the better. Maybe this was all my life would ever be: a series of tragic events loosely connected by a few bright moments. Or maybe I wasn't doomed. Maybe, just maybe, I could fix this.

What can a person do when the past stubbornly refuses to stay in the past? I sighed as the answer eluded me. I held my head in my hands as the memories came back, gradually at first before turning into a torrent of calamitous recollections.