42. I Just Can't Do This

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Through I love you and I care about you

But you keep hurting me and I keep forgiving you

I just can't do this, boy I just can't do this

Don't wanna lose you, need you in my life

-K.Michelle

_____________________

Jacob Pov

It was ten thirty in the morning and Chres still isn't back. I stay up all night after that phone call. I packed all my bags and they are down stairs near the front door. I was trying to wait for Chresanto to come but I guess I'm really not that important. I headed down the stairs and grabbed my bags. I started loading them in the car. I ran back inside to grab my keys but I heard a car pull up. I looked out the open door and seen Chres running across the grass towards me.

"Jacob.." He gasped for breath. "I can explain baby."

"Sure you can." I laughed.

I grabbed my keys and walked around him to the door. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"Jacob please.." He begged.

"Then explain Chresanto." I snapped.

"I was at the club last night with the boys. We were drinking and having a good time then Krista came. She was all up on me but I told her that I didn't want her and she needed to leave me alone. After that I don't remember." He said softly.

"You don't remember calling me last night? You don't remember fucking Krista and me hearing? I don't believe that shit!" I spat.

"I didn't call you last night Jacob. Baby please believe me!"

"Lair! Who called me then and program their number in my phone as Chresanto?!"

"It's was Krista! She called you."

"Well go be with Krista! I'm leaving." I turned around.

"I love you Jacob." He wrapped his arms around my waist.

I pushed his arms away and stepped away from him. I turned and glared at him. The man I love. The man I thought I trusted. We all have flaws. But I'm hurt, and you can only take so much.

"I'm sorry baby. I swear Jacob I love you so much."

"Chresanto.. Why would you hurt me? I thought you loved me! I hate you." I screamed at him.

"Jacob baby.. Please.. I'm sorry. It was a mistake. I love you baby boy. Please don't leave me..." Chresanto cried.

"You don't love me. If you did why did you fuck Krista again. Three times Chres. Three times I forgave your stupid ass. No more, I'm done with the bullshit and I'm done with you." I whispered and shook my head.

"Baby... Please, i need you Jacob. Don't leave me."

"I can't Chresanto. You hurt me to much. I can't take the stress any more. We can't take it any more."

"We..? What do you mean we?"

I rubbed my stomach and looked at him. He got teary eyed again and fell to his knees. I bit my lip and stood my ground no matter how much I wanted to run to him.

"Your pregnant..?" I nodded my head and hugged myself. "I'm going to be a daddy..? How far along are you?"

"Four months." I said softly.

"I'm sorry I hurt you Jacob."

I walked towards him and stood in front of him. I caressed his cheek slowly and he closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry to Chresanto, but that doesn't change a thing. You've made me more confident since I got with you and help me be a better person and not be scared to let others touch me because of my traumatic past. And I thank you for that baby I really do."

"Jacob please... Dont leave."

"I hope your happy." A tear ran down my cheek.

I kissed him one last time before heading to the door and walking out. I can hear him crying saying how sorry he is and that he loves me. But I guess love just isn't enough for us. Loving you isn't easy.

"I'll love you forever Chres but sometimes forever isn't enough."

I got in the car and drive to my moms house. As soon as I was there I ran inside. I closed the door and drop to the floor sobbing. I cried my heart out. I cried for all the times he told me he loved me. All the times we laughed, kissed, touch, hug. I guess my mom heard my heart wrenching screams and cries. Her arms wrapped around me and rocked me from side to side. She whispered sweet things in my ear. But nothing help my broken heart, and nothing will. Only the one who broke it.

"I love him so much! So much mamí. It hurts so bad." I cried into her chest.

"Whatever it is.. It won't hurt you no more baby. I promise." She kissed my forehead.

I cried and cried until I passed out.

I remember when I walked out.

I remember when I gave up loving you.

My heart couldn't take no more of you.

So sad and lonely, hey.

I remember when I stormed out.

I remember when I gave up loving you.

I was sad and lonely.

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