Light And Dark-BTS au!Supernatural

23. Eulogy

Listen to the above song on loop. It'll have a big effect.  Actually I kind off recommend listening to it for the last leg of this book. It relates to the story. I'll place It on top of the chapters.

She paced about, exhaled a deep breath. She felt defeated.

I cannot imagine my world with you gone. I just- I just want to scream please don't leave me. Her heart weighed down with this last plea. They weren't the one leaving.

She was.

She had one more day to live. One more day to love. One more day. One more day to remember her mistakes and just hope- hope that what she was about to do would be enough to make up for each and every time she hurt them.

She would hurt anyone over and over, if it means he kept them safe. Safe, if not happy. She knew no one would forgive her. Not Jin. Not Jungkook. Not Yifa. Not Rafeeq.

But they did not know how hard it was. To live with the monster of guilt raking at your insides. Tearing you apart. Choking you. And it hurts so much.

Mistakes that cannot be compensated. Connections that cannot be mended. Love that cannot be regained.

The selfish part of her wanted to hold on. Hold on to the seven broken pieces of her life. They were the piece of driftwood keeping a drowning person above sea. That drowning person was her. And they were her raft.

But I can only hold on for so long. Before my lungs give out. And my heart stops.

I forgot I was human. I forgot that I make mistakes. But my mistake was not loving you. It was perhaps the only good thing I did.

She went to her table and pulled out a piece of paper. That's what people do, right? They leave a note. Tell all their broken promises, unsaid wishes, drunken dreams... regretted decisions, their last words to the people they love.

She pulled out her pen and wrote three words at the top.

To my loves.

She wrote everything. The words her last apology. Tears slipped out of eyes and onto the inked paper. She had bled out. Bled out onto the paper. Every curve and slant and punctuation and word. It was her heart on a sheet of paper. And she was giving it away as she should have done a long time ago.

+++

"I have found a portal," she spoke slowly, knowing all eyes were on her. In truth, Ivan had made everything easier that night. He had given her the chance to break everything from them. That had been her window to separate herself from the younger ones. To make them hate her enough to let her go.

You know how you love something so much, you are addicted to it? And when it is taken away, you're still grappling for it. For that one tiny sliver of a chance that you'll get it back.

Their love was that addiction. And she was still scrambling after it.

"I- it's far. You all should," she breathed. Her breaths were uneven, her voice shaky and her heart a million broken shards of metal. "Pack. You won't return here." She finished and swept out of the room.

Jimin felt a sinking feeling in his chest, like his heart was trying to break out his body. It hurt. Physically. Too much. Too bad.

He knew that she loved Ivan. He knew that she told Namjoon that. But then what.... broke her? Because that's what she looked like. A broken china doll. He still loved her. Your feelings for someone don't just disappear overnight. They don't.

And he knew the others still loved her too. A few weeks ago, he would have hated the idea of her loving anyone out of the other six. But now, he wished it was that way. Hell, he'd share her with all of the six if only she would come back to them.

It was like an unbreakable glass wall had gone up between her and them. And she was being tortured alive while they could do nothing but watch. He was furious. If that man every crossed paths with him again, he would find himself ina wooden box buried under 10 feet of soil.

+++

She staggered to her room. She wanted to be alone, but the loneliness cut into her skin like daggers, opening her up raw, bleeding her out to death. The door shut and she found herself sliding down against it. A tortured sob escaped from her throat. She buried her face in her hands. Raw emotion ran through her body erasing all thoughts and memories took over.

She remembered reading somewhere. We cry to release the animal parts of us without losing the humanity.
She cried to release them both. Inside her was an animal trying to escape and win what it wants. Claim it's prize. It's territory. But there was also a human. A human who knew what she did was wrong. And the human wanted a minute to let the broken screams out.

She cried till her eyes felt dry. She was not sure if she would be able to produce a single tear even if her life depended on it.

She rose and headed to her table, going through her letter again, smiling. She picked up a pen and wrote a line.

As long as you remember me, I will love you. And as long as I love you, I will never be gone.

She held the paper in her hand. The one last imprint she will leave. For some reason, no one else seemed important enough. No one else seemed worthy enough that she would explain the why of everything she did to them.

Her heart felt empty. A good empty, but it wouldn't be like that for long. Fury. Wrath. Anger. A lot of words exist for one emotion. Pain. That was the word she was looking for.

She wanted to hear Ivan apart limb from limb and hang up his components on display. Her waking hours had been filled with daydreams of gore. Of his wings, cut from his body, hanging over the Hall of the Council.

She wanted to pin him up, the way Christ had been. Nails in hands and feet, agony in his eyes, his escape, his wings cut from him. She wanted to crucify him and make sure he remained dead.

Her passion fuelled the flames of her revenge. She grabbed her pen and scribbled her last line.

I love you, all seven of you.

She dashed out of her door to Jungkook's room. Faint sounds of a shower came, so  she assumed the coast was clear. Quickly, she slipped into the room and searches for Jungkook's duffel bag. She folded the letter neatly and placed it under a bunch of comic books.

There. That should be good enough.

Jungkook was her coffin bearer. And he would recite her eulogy.

I'm kind of sad this book is coming to an end.... I actually liked writing it.  The climax is about to come.

I hope you're waiting for it...

P.S. I know no one needs to know but, I got PIERCINGS!!! Now I have a total of four. Pretty happy. 😁😁